Screening in Oklahoma!

What an exciting weekend I had, as I was in Oklahoma for the screening of our movie "Dancing With Angels" along with 2 other movies, "Joel's Journey" and "Call of Courage" The evening was lots of fun, but for several different reasons full of tears as well! "Dancing With Angels" showed first and then there was a 30 minute intermission afterwards. The Naylor Family provided cookies and hot chocolate, coffee, tea, everything you can imagine was there! :)

Then after the break, "Joel's Journey" and "Call of Courage" showed. It was such a blessing to finally meet the entire Morris Family! In case you dont already know, "Joel's Journey" is a documentary on Mr. and Mrs. Morris' son, Joel. You can check out their blog at www.weloveyoujoel.blogspot.com (I guess I need to learn to just smile, otherwise, THIS happens)

It was great seeing friends again and meeting many new people! It's always hard though saying goodbye, not ever knowing when the next time will be to see them again! :( Hopefully soon though! :)

After the screening and cleaning up, a few of us went to downtown Oklahoma City to see fireworks! I guess it has been 100 years since OK became a state, so they celebrated by shooting fireworks off! It was So neat and very pretty! We all stood in the back of the pickup truck to watch them...such a great view!

Hope you all have a Blessed Thanksgiving!


Thanks to Caleb Burnett for the pictures! :)

Brain Cancer...please pray

Lately, I have been coming across many blogs of men and women, fathers and mothers, who have been diagnosed with brain cancer. Some just like my Mom, and others that have surgery as an option and not exactly a "death sentence" Either way, all of these people need prayers. I can honestly say that I hate cancer. I never thought I would feel so strongly for a disease, but this is one that makes me very upset. Tonight I came across the blog of Layne Daniel. Please check out his blog and pray for him and his family. http://laynedaniel.wordpress.com/

Thank you,
Danielle

Screening - November 16

This Friday evening, "Dancing with Angels," "Joel's Journey," and "The Call of Courage" will we be shown starting at 6:30 pm. Everyone is invited and admission is free.

Get directions here.

DANCING WITH ANGELS
In Dancing With Angels unexpected hardship strikes the Logan family, everyone’s strength and faith are put to the test. Will they be able to accept God’s will no matter the cost? Follow the endearing family of ten as they discover a greater love and find a new understanding of the ultimate sacrifice.

JOEL'S JOURNEY

Joel’s Journey is a heart touching story that follows the Morris family as their lives are changed by the greatest trial they have ever faced. Through challenges, opposition and rejection at the hospital the Morris’ continue to face each difficulty by standing on the word of God.

THE CALL OF COURAGE

The Call of Courage tells the gripping story of two young men fighting in the early battles of the civil war: Eddie Lee, a twelve year old drummer boy, and James McClay an officer in the Union Army. As the days pass they become as close as brothers. During the army’s march through Missouri both Eddie and James are faced with decisions that require all the courage they can muster. Their difficulties intensify until the battle of Wilson’s Creek erupts- throwing the two into the most intense moments of their life.

Feel free to bring family and friends and to pass this invitation along. Admission is free and refreshments will
be provided. For more info contact John Naylor by phone (405) 501-0496 or e-mail john@cmforums.org

"Homesick"

Well, I know I told you I would update, about how my visit went to the graveyard. Well, I didnt do it. I couldnt. After having two rough nights in a row. Mainly just missing my Mom, but also for some other reasons, I just wasnt sure I could handle it when Sunday came around. I know I shouldnt have this fear, but I do. I'm truly afriad to go back, just afraid to how I will react. The Hunt family said that they would take me sometime, and as soon as this coming Sunday. I am not sure I will be ready by then either, but I will see.

Well, today on my way to work I heard this song. I've heard it many times, but never thought about the lyrics or even cared for the song much at all. Today though, I listened very closely to the words, and this just seems to explain sort of, what is going on with me.

HOMESICK

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Hurting again...

Now that the holiday season is coming around, very vivid memories are racing my mind, and I cant seem to get my Mom out of my thoughts. But the thoughts of my Mom are of her when she was sick, very sick! Memories that I dont exactly want to remember anymore.

My Dad and I were discussing what we were going to be doing for Thanksgiving this year and thoughts of my last Thanksgiving meal came to mind. We had plans to be home JUST in time for Thanksgiving and to have it with some friends from church and of course family! :) Well, then my Mom got very sick and taken from MX to San Diego to be treated there. On Thanksgiving day my Mom was still "awake" but just sick. Having a very hard time breathing, low oxygen, fluid on her lungs and other problems on top of that. David, Mandy and I ended up just eating our Thanksgiving dinner at the hospital. I think I had a tray with a turkey sandwhich, mashed potatoes, a roll, and a piece of pumpkin pie...Very different from our traditional thanksgiving meal, but it didnt matter, we still had Mom. :(

Now this Thanksgiving, will be my first official one, without her. Not sure how it will be spent this year, I am hoping to do one with my Dad and family and then maybe some sort of lunch or something with my brother and sisters the day after. I want us still to be together!

Through all of this hurt, I have decided that I want to go back to my Mom's grave site. I havent been since the burial service and have been terrified to go back. I know my Mom isnt there anymore, but it still will be so difficult. But, I'm ready to face it. This month I have been alone a lot! Mandy is in OK and my Dad and family have been going out of town every weekend, so I'm left to myself to think a lot. And I think all of these memories are coming up because of that also. A friend of mine is taking me to the grave site on Sunday afternoon. I have to face this fear, and hopefully let a lot of hurt and heartache go.

I'll update you on Sunday....

Updates on Life...

As most of you know, the last few weeks for me have been pretty busy. :) I started working at a daycare/preschool part time in Troy. After the second day working, I started getting sick. And I am just now getting over it. 2 weeks ago, my voice started going out, and now today, it is finally ALMOST back to normal. I"m still coughing and I squeak every once in awhile, but it's ALMOST normal! :) ;) Besides getting sick and a few other reasons, I am loving my job. I really love the kids and look forward to seeing them each day. I should rephrase that though. I dont love my job, or love having a job, I love seeing the kids! :)

Then on Wednesday of last week, Mandy and I flew to San Antonio, Texas to visit with a friend of my Mom's and then go to the San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival! :) It was such a great trip. The time we had with Robin was so great! We really enjoy her company and she brought back such good memories of my Mom. It was neat!

The Film Festival was wonderful! At first, meeting everyone was very umm...scary I guess, but after introductions were done, it was great being with everyone and finally putting a face with a name! I was able to see many films and sit through some very good lectures! Geoff Botkin gave a lecture on music and it was so good. I really wish I had heard all the information before doing "Dancing With Angels"

A friend of mine actually won a Jubilee Award at SAICFF also. "Joel's Journey" won Best Biblical Family award. ( reelcast.blogspot.com ) We were all very excited for him and the Morris Family.

After the weekend was over I had to fly home, but Mandy got to go home with the Naylor family and spend the next 3 weeks with them in Oklahoma!! Lucky girl! ;) I've talked to her each day and she seems to be really enjoying herself. I on the other hand, have been rather lonely. It's weird not having her here....nevermind that though, moving on! :P

Today I was able to buy my airline ticket to OKC on the 16th of November! Praise God because my funds are very limited, and I ended up finding a flight for very cheap, which I was not expecting! I am very excited about going there. There is going to be a screening in OK for "Call of Courage", "Joel's Journey", and "Dancing With Angels" Some friends that I met in San Antonio will be there, so I guess that is what I am most excited about, to see everyone! :)

Oh, I wanted everyone to know..... Lots of people have been asking me lately if I had another idea for a movie, or if I would be entering next year. Well, my answer to that right now is No. Filmmaking is not a buisness to me. I really enjoy it, but just like anything else we just enjoy, we shouldnt just go around and do all the time. I would be pleasing the flesh constantly if I did. And my goal is to not please myself, but to please and glorify God. The only reasons for making "Dancing With Angels" was for my Mom and for God. Not even exactly for God, but so the message could be heard. I believe it was God's will for us to make our film, I'm not sure if He wants us to make another one or not. I'm sure a lot of you are thinking I am being way too skeptical, but I've made a lot of mistakes in my life already, and I'm trying now, to make sure I do what He wants and right now I dont have a peace about just going and making films and becoming a serious filmmaker. (Even though it does sound great) Hope all of this makes some sense.

One thing I do have a peace about though, is a Mexico Missions Trip I will be going on, at the end of this month. I'll post more deatils about this when I know them! :)

(Sorry I have no pics, Mandy has the camera, so I'm unable to post any! :( )

If you didnt know already, "Dancing With Angels" is now for sale! www.dancingwithangelsthemovie.com

Trusting God

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night and it has left me pretty much lost. It doesnt make sense that it did, but it did. So, I am trying to make sense of it in my head today and figuring out where God wants me.

Last night, my life was being compared to Josephs. Although, he had it much worse than I do. He was put in situations that could leave a person wondering, "Why, God", and the same goes for me. Why would God take my Mom? Why would God have me move to my Dad's house? Why would God have me get a job? All of these questions race through my head, but I'm left with no answer.

One thing I do know though, is that Joseph trusted God. Trusted that God had a plan for his life and that each event had to happen to work for God's plan! This is what I am missing. I wonder sometimes about my life and WISH that God would use all these unfortunate events in my life to do something amazing, but then I come back to reality and know it wont happen. I have no faith I guess that God can use me. And I'm still struggling with believing that God can use my life to impact someone else.

I was in a MAJOR slump this morning before going to work, not being sure of anything. My same friend asked me last night what I love to do. What I could do for hours and it only seem like minutes, and I couldnt answer. I dont know. I honestly have no clue how to answer that. So, while thinking about that and my whole trust issue, then wondering what a "real" friend is, oh my, just TONS of things going through my head, I ended up just going to my bible and looking up scriptures on trusting God and having faith.

Psalm 4:5 "Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your TRUST in the Lord"
Psalm 56:11 "In God have I put my TRUST: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me"
Psalm 118:8 "It is better to TRUST in the Lord than to put confidence in man"
Psalm 146:5 "Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose HOPE is in the Lord his God"

Prov. 3:5 "TRUST in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"

Micah 7:5a "TRUST ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide..."

Hab. 2:4b "The just shall live by FAITH"

Luke 17:5 "And the apostles said unto the Lord, Increase our FAITH"

1 Cor. 15:14 "And if Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and your FAITH is also vain"

2 Cor. 1:9 "But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not TRUST in ourselves, but in God which raiseth from the dead"
2 Cor. 5:7 "For we walk by FAITH, not by sight"

Col. 2:5 "For though I be absent in the flesh, yet am I with you in the Spirit, joying and beholding your order, and the steadfastness of your FAITH in Christ"

2 Thess. 3:2 "And that we may be delivered from unreasonable and wicked men: for all men have not FAITH"

Heb. 2:13 "And again, I will put my TRUST in Him, and again behond I and the children which God hath given me"

James 1:6a "But let him ask in FAITH; nothing wavering.."

These are a few of the verses I found. It helped me a lot though to read these and to get out of the mess I was in this morning. Also, going to work and seeing the smiling faces of each child helped!!! :) ;) Please be praying that the Lord would open my eyes to what he wants for me, and for me to be content with where he has me, TRUSTING he has a plan for me! :)

~Danielle

How I spent the day...

As you all can probably imagine, I figured yesterday would have been awful for me. Wasn't sure how I'd get through the day or even want to do anything. And that's how it was in the morning. I struggled a lot. Had some pretty bad thoughts, and a lot of pain, but certain people were very encouraging to me and I thank God for them. :)

Our plan for the day was to go out to eat with my brother and sister and Joan, a friend of our families. ( Actually she was my Mom's best friend ) So and before doing that, Tara had the idea of buying a tree and planting it in memory of my Mom. So, that was the plan!!! :)

So Mandy and I really had nothing going on at home, so we decided to leave early. We had a few places we wanted to go and then thought of more as we were out. We went and visited my Mom's doctor. He is the nicest man. We wanted to just say Hi and tell him about our upcoming movie premiere. He knew that we had made a film and said he wanted to see it. Well, we loved seeing him. And he took us back into the kitchen area and just sat down to talk with us, it was so neat. Then from there we went to the Hospice place and sat and talked with our "social worker" for 30 min. probably. She will be coming to the premiere, along with some other Hospice employees. It was really neat to see them, and when we walked in, they all remembered us, and my Mom was only on Hospice a week.

So after making those stops and a few extra, we went to plant the tree. The school where Tara works said it would be fine to plant it there and they also said they would donate a memorial stone to put out by it. So....it was Tara, Mandy, Joan, Jason..which is Tara's boyfriend, and me all out there trying to dig this hole for our tulip tree. It HAD rained like the night before but the ground was still hard as ever! :( So, we all took turns trying to break the ground and dig this hole. After Tara tried, I decided to try jumping on the shovel! :) I did that a few times..still no hole. Then Tara held on to me and I stood up on the shovel and I jumped up and down SEVERAL times...still no hole. THEN, we had the brilliant idea to have Mandy jump on my back and THEN I jump up and down with Tara holding on to me...guess what! STILL no hole.
I couldn't believe it. Thankfully, Jason WAS with us, and he took over. Witithin 10 minutes probably he had the hole dug, and that's without jumping up and down or carrying someone on his back! ;)

So, then it was time for us to plant the tree. It ended up looking very nice. So, then it was time for our next thing. Mandy and I had bought a "thinking of you" card for my Mom for us all to write in. So, after writing my message in the card, and having just planted the tree, I lost it. I HATE having people see me cry too, so I just walked away and got in the van to be alone and thinking "hopefully" no one will see me. I just miss her SO much! So, we all went back to Tara's house, and we were going to let off the card then. We had also bought one Happy Birthday balloon to tie to the card and let go. Well...bad news! The card was too heavy and it just fell to the ground. :( I couldnt believe it. I tried ripping up part of the card, where we hadn't wrote to make it lighter, that didnt work. Then someone suggested tearing it, (like that was going to make it lighter) well, I tried, and once again, failed. SO...we then had a very ugly looking card, torn, and sort of shredded. :( We decided that we needed MORE balloons. :) So, everyone went to the restaurant to meet Kyle and Taryn there (brother and future sis in law) and Mandy and I went back to Deals to get 4 more balloons! :) By this time, it was getting dark, and ready to storm! :( So the wind was VERY strong and we knew the card would be taken off by the balloons. :) So when we got to the restaurant we called Tara and Kyle and had them come out. Joan also came to take some pics. :) We all held on to it then on the count of 3 we let it go and said "happy birthday" well...then I cried some more. Watching the balloons just drift away was hard. Kind of felt like letting HER go. I know it doesnt make sense, but it was HARD.

Well, having our waiter really lightened up the night for us. He was very...umm, just different, but very nice! He was lots of fun to all of us! And kept us laughing...a TON. Tara brought an ice cream cake for all of us and then after eating it, Joan had a gift for each of us. I couldn't believe it. She is SO thoughtful. She gave me an angel and she said I was the last to buy for because she knew she needed JUST the thing. The card that came tied around the angel said, "Though words alone can't ease you loss, Nor take away your pain; This Angel lays its gentle hand to comfort and sustain" I thought it was perfect! I hugged her and cried and she just whispered to me, "Danielle, you and Mandy are so fortunate, you got the best years with your Mom...Tara and Kyle missed out. She loved you SO much" That just made me cry even more. I was crying because of the gift, but also all the hurt came out again.

So although I did cry a lot, I think a lot of deep down hurt came out and I actually feel a little better! :) By the time we left the restaurant it was pouring out...I had parked around back too, so Mandy and I had to run in the drenching rain! :) But that's not the worst. From the restaurant, we had to get some things from Wal-Mart, so, by the time I parked... :), it was REALLY REALLY pouring outside. And we looked at each other and just decided to go for it! ..Oh, I wasn't parked close either! ;) So we did it. Mandy actually stopped and took off her sandals and RAN barefoot in the parking lot. Which sounds crazy but was a good idea, because I was slipping all over in my flip flops, they get slippery when they are wet! :) By the time we made it to the door, we were drenched. Everyone was staring at us and knew we were crazy for even trying to make it. Our hair was wet, umm...all of our clothes were wet, it was awful. All the staring we got and lots of questions from people..."Woah, you guys got REALLY wet" or there were some "Is it raining outside??" :D Umm... YES!!! :) It was a lot of fun though, besides being freezing cold it was a nice way to end our day! :) We thought of Mom's poor card though...for sure it's all wet and gross now. :(

So...that was my day! Exciting, huh??? Hope you all aren't too bored with reading about it. Oh, and sorry bout the pics. They are very blurry...Tara doesn't have the best camera! :P But...you'll get the idea from them! :)

-Danielle

"Happy Birthday Mom"

I've really been thinking a lot how my blog has sort of turned into some sad blog, instead of the hope I had before. And So, I was determined to do a "nice" post, but then, my mind started wondering again and my emotions started rolling...and well, now I have
this post. Tomorrow will be my Mom's birthday and the first one without her. It's going to be VERY hard. I decided to go back to the post that I made on my Mom's birthday last year. Here is what I said...

MRI and BIRTHDAY

Okay, I'm sorry it's been awhile since I have wrote anything. I've been waiting until today though, so I could let you know something about the MRI results. Well, I'm sorry to say this, but I still can't tell you very much. Just because, I don't know very much. I have what I think, but I could be 100% wrong. What is looks like to me is that the tumors have either stayed the same or shrunk, but the swelling is much greater. On the pictur e, almost half of her brain is taken up by gray, when the rest of the brain is black. So we aren't sure if that is the tumor or the swelling. We are really praying it is the swelling. It makes since it would be the swelling.

I had a long talk with David last night, and we both said that no matter what the results said, we wouldn't stop believing that God is going to heal my Mom. H e does what gets most glory to him, and through my finite brain, it seems that he would get so much glory this way. There are many friends of ours, that would almost mock us with somet hing were to happen to my Mom, because we didn't use traditional medicine. Also, things as far as custody of my sister and I would be such a disaster. I hope I never have to go through that. So, no matter what, as long as my Mom is still breathing, I will believe that God is going to heal her. Or, I am praying that I can always believe that. When things get tough it is hard to always think that way. I want to give up and lose hope, or run away from my problems, but that never changes anything. I have to rely on the Lord for my strength, and know that he will get me through it.

On a better note, my Mom's birthday was really good! I think she enjoyed it more than she would have thought she could. We had lots of visitors today and lots of cards and flowers showing up. It was so nice to see my Mom getting excited. She hasn't been so happy for a long time. Instead of going out to eat, like we do for b-days, we bought steaks and grilled them at home. The Lord blessed us with great weather today , in the upper 80's, maybe even the 90's. It was just a really good day.

Tomorrow, I get to look forward to laundry and packing, OH and cleaning and cooking. Those are a given though. :) I'm also looking forward to cutting my Mom's hair tomorrow. I cut mine tonight, but that was a first...and a last. I won't do that agai n. It 's too hard, I'll stick with other people's hair. Hopefully mine will grow out soon!

Thank you everyone who has been leaving comments on my blog and has been praying. May the Lord bless all of you!

Love, Danielle

______________________________________________________

As sick as my Mom was then, I wish I could go back to having her here, with cancer or without. That is so selfish of me I know, but my heart aches for her. At least then, I could tell her how much I love her and everything else she should know. I was told many times from people that, the 6 weeks mark is the hardest, or the 3 month mark, well to l et you all know, for me, its not getting ANY easier. Almost harder, and I dont understand why. Am I doing something wrong? I try to hide my pain a lot, but I'm afraid it still shows through. I dont th ink the hurt will ever leave.

I dont know what to write now...I feel as you know all of this, it's like I write the same things everytime. And I'm sorry about that. I just wonder why I am taking this SO hard for so long. Last week my sisters and I went to a wedding shower, and on the way Tara wanted to talk about Mom. I thought I would be fine, but I wasnt. I couldnt stop cry ing. So, I glared out the window trying to hold back tears so Mandy or Tara wouldnt see me. The thing is, I dont cry like, Oh I miss my Mom type of cry, it's like, I cant go on, type of cry. I think since my Mom died I've had this void in my life. A void that can only be filled by Jesus Christ. And maybe untill I do that, I'm gonna have this hurt. I am not sure. Even if the pain doesnt go away, I know that having Jesus fill that spot is what I need. I cant look for it in memories of my Mom, family, friends, or activities. Just HIM! Please pray for me as I try to do this.

Well... it will be her birthday tomorrow, so I was going to post a few pictures that were from her birthday 2 years ago. Before she was ever sick. When things were good, and we were all happy! I have to remember...I'll see her again! :(

Happy Birthday Mom! I love you and miss you very much!

-Danielle

HURT

I'm really struggling right now....I feel like I cant take it anymore. I want to run and forget about this life...about everything! I miss my Mom, so much! If only she was here, sometimes it doesn't feel real, it feels like she will be back here with me, but in reality, she wont! She never will be... and I have to live with that...but I'd rather not.

This is the day last year when my Mom was SO sick....right before we left for Mexico...she almost seemed like she was in a coma, it's sad to me, but that seems better than what I have now. At least she was there, and although she couldn't talk, she could hug me, and squeeze my hand. I dont have any of that now.

I just want this hurt to pass...I feel SO angry at the world...why does all this happen to me? But really there is no reason for it. God chose me to go through this, there HAS to be a plan, I just cant see it. And it hurts.....

August 14th...ITS BEEN ONE YEAR

As most of you know, it has been one year since my Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer. Thinking back, it almost seems like it was a long time ago, but then more and more memories come and it seems like it happened just yesterday. I almost wish it did just happen yesterday so I could spend more time with my Mom. But, I cant... I wanted to use this post to talk some about my Mom...before she got sick. I don't think I've really shared much about that...you all know abut our lives from the time my Mom got sick, and we seem like a pretty messed up family, but we weren't always like this...we were normal, or so I thought.


Growing up, my Mom had to raise us 4 kids, pretty much on her own. She did it so selflessly too. She spent her time going to school and working to provide us with an education and life that she thought would please us. We weren't the richest, or most organized, but we were definitely a family and I loved it! Not until recently did I realize how much she did for us...and how much she gave up for us...for us to be happy and to be like the other kids...even when our checkbook didn't want to permit it!





Then my Mom had the greatest joy of her life...or so she told me....she married David and got to stay home with Mandy and me and home school us! She taught me something that was so valuable...She did more college than most people and had SO many different jobs but her true joy and contentment came from being home with her kids and being a loving wife. Right before my Mom got sick...I was struggling with wanting to go to college...I cried almost everyday, finding myself, longing to go away to school...when I expressed this to my Mom, her heart went out...she couldn't stress to me enough, that this world has nothing to offer us. My flesh wants to go away, but was that what God wanted for me? She went that route and found her joy coming from being home. I'll tell you the truth...at first it was hard for me, but now I can say 100% that I have NO desire to go to school...I have the desire my Mom had...and I know that my contentment will come through that. This was one major lesson my Mom taught me.


When we were being interviewed for our movie, the reporter was asking what my Mom was like, and what she liked to do...the question stumped us..it was quite embarrassing...I'm not sure if we were caught off guard or just at loss for words...but now I can come up with plenty!


My Mom was a joy to be around. She would light up a room wherever she went. She was open and honest with everyone...she shared her heart and hoped others would be encouraged with what she had to say. She was smart, talented, beautiful, loving, caring, and funny! When we would go grocery shopping she would dance down the aisles sometimes...she knew it embarrassed me SO much...but she knew it would get me to laugh also. :) She had a way of getting me out of my rotten moods...I miss that...I miss everything about her.


Also, my Mom had a heart for the Lord that was like no other...no matter what the cost...she served the Lord. Oh....I can barely even write this...Umm... it amazed me how she could submit so easily and change if she knew that was what God wanted..and I know it must not have been easy, but she knew she had to make it look easy, for us to follow...she was our role model, and if she behaved that way, we had a better chance of doing that... My Mom's faith was great too...after she got diagnosed, maybe 3 days later, we were sitting in her hospital room and I had been pretty upset...and she looked at me and said, "Danielle, what if God has to take me, to save your Dad? Is it worth it?" I couldn't bare it...I said No! I wanted her! My Dad could be saved some other way....I know it was selfish and wrong of me, but my Mom was EVERYTHING to me, my life. But she loved the Lord so much and trusted Him, she knew He had a plan, if he were to take her. She did know that much........


I could go on and on I'm sure about my Mom, but I think it's just getting me more and more upset...maybe I shouldn't have done this....I pray that through this post you will be encouraged by my Mom's testimony. The life she lived was one for Jesus and now she is living with Him. It breaks my heart knowing that, but also I can rejoice because soon I'll be there with her...one day! And I'm sorry for all of you who never knew my Mom, I wish you could have and I pray that through this blog you will learn a little about her and see her love for the Lord!

I Love You Mom!

Quick Update!

When life seems like it can't get any crazier or worse, God has a way of showing us just how wrong we are. Actually, I shouldn't say worse, it's probably our outlook on it, to determine if it's worse or not, but definately crazy!

Since my Mom died, I figured by now our lives would start turning in the right direction, things would become clear and I'd somehow see the good from her death and understand more things...It's been almost one year to day that my Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer and my world is more upside down now, than it was 4 months ago. I know God has a plan for my messed up life, just right now, it's hard for me to see it. I'm continually having to re-focus and trust that the Lord is ultimately in control and has a plan for my life. And that through each of these trials I go through I have two options, to become better or become bitter. Which is it? It's my choice, and from now on, I'm choosing to grow in the Lord...to become better! I need your prayers though.

Just a quick update...Mandy and I are now living with my Dad and family. It's only been a week but I think this will be a good home for us. My Dad loves us very much and I'm just learning all of this now, being almost 19 years old.

Oh, one more quick thing!!! Mandy and I have submitted our movie, Dancing With Angels, to the San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival. Praise God that he allowed us to finish, just in time! We just got an email from someone letting us know that they have received the film and would let us know by September 15th, if we made it or not...please pray about this too...we want God's will for this film, not our own!

In Him,
Danielle

Awards!

I was awarded my first blog award today by Kaitlin, and now I have to pass it on to another 5 girl bloggers, who in turn will have to pass it on to another 5 girls.

Here are my choices for the Rockin' Girl Blogger award:

Celeste- Thanks for all the encouragment while my Mom was sick, it is so appreciated!

Lora- You are a great friend and constant encouragement!

Cheryl- I miss you!

I'm afraid I can only come up with 3 female bloggers. I'm sorry....let me know if I forgot you! I know some guys...but I'd hate to give them the Rockin' Girl Blogger award!

Just a little survey....

. FIRST NAME? Danielle

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? my sister's friend in preschool....touching huh? :)

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? 2 nights ago

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? yeah, it's fine

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? turkey???

6. KIDS? I want a bunch! :) Children are a blessing from the Lord!

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I'd hope so

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? lots!

9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? No

10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes

11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Hmm...probably not, but certain people could get me to do it

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Honey Bunches of Oats

13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Yeah sometimes

14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I guess...for a girl

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? anything chocolate or mint chocolate chip!

16. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? How they act...

17. RED OR PINK? Pink

18. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? that my relationship with the Lord isn't where I want it to be

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? my Mom

20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? yeah

21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES YOU ARE WEARING? brown flip flops and blue pajama bottoms

22. THE LAST THING YOU ATE? bread

23. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? the birds chirping

24. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU Be? blue or this odd shade of purple ;)

25. Favorite SMELL: I have no clue?? ah...I do know...but I better not say!

28. FAVORITE DRINK? water, iced tea, pink lemonade!

29. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? baseball

31. EYE COLOR? BLUE

32. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? no

33. FAVORITE FOOD? mexican and chinese

34. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy endings of course!!

35. THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Besides ours...Borrowed Hearts

36. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? blue polo shirt

37. SUMMER OR WINTER? SUMMER!

38. HUGS OR KISSES? BOTH...from my Mom!

39. FAVORITE DESSERT? brownies

42. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? my bible

43. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I have no mouse pad

44. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? dont have tv

45. FAVORITE SOUNDS? guitar and piano music..., the ocean, not sure what else

46. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? NEITHER

47. THE FURTHEST YOU BEEN FROM HOME? Mexico

48. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Hmmm...I dont think so....

49. WHEN WERE YOU BORN? August

50. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? St. Louis

So, you all know...our website is up now!!!! dancingwithangelsmovie.net ENJOY!

Finally...a Post!

The past two months have been so busy and crazy and I have had no time to write and update…I apologize.

Before my Mom died, she had a list of 4 things she wanted to see…none of them got done. One of the things was to see our movie done. When I had first heard this I told my Mom, No….I told her it was too hard and too close to real life…but I guess it didn’t stop us. My Mom believed that this movie would change lives, and we out of faith did it for that reason and for her!

(I had tons of makeup on here to look sick!)

In May, Sage, John and Caleb Naylor all came up to stay with us for 2 weeks to film the movie. It was such a neat time for all of us. I saw God work in ways that I couldn’t believe. I guess I could give a few examples… (The Logan Family)

(John, our DP)

One night after filming at a restaurant we came home to import the footage and it was all gone from the day. We couldn’t believe it. Right away I stressed out and wondered what we would do, but Sage suggested we pray….Now why didn’t I think of that? So, we did and then believing God could bring it back, we left it alone and went to play volleyball. After finishing we decided to try re-importing and guess what? It was there! It was a miracle to us…later on after the Naylors left, John told us that he was going back over footage at home and it was gone again. God just had to get us to the point to trust him for everything.

(Mandy, filming at the graveyard)

Also, one day we were filming in the Hospital wehre my Mom was actually at…the Hospital Mandy and I hated, since they found the tumors. Anyway…so the Hospital contacted the media to let them know our story. So come filming day, News Channel 11 and the Suburban Journal came to interview us. We were excited because it seemed like a chance for us to glorify God through what we said and did. (Channel 11 filming)

It was also very hard though, bringing up past memories of my Mom and her being sick. But since this, another man came to interview us from the St. Louis Post Dispatch and he wrote an incredible story! God was most glorified! Also a week later, we got an email from the reporter from the Suburban Journal. She went into detail how her Dad also died of cancer, a year before my Mom was diagnosed and that since then she was searching for God. She told us she had been staying away from cancer stories, but hearing about ours, she knew she had to do it. She then went on to say that she accredits our story to being one of the things that brought her to accepting Jesus is her heart! Praise God! He is so good and just faithful to do his will. We are excited to see this movie touching lives, even our own.(John and I being weird...I had the apron on for a scene...not sure why he has one on)

So, now we are on to the editing. It’s lots of fun, but also so many struggles come up. The first few days for me were rough. I would spend 8 or 9 hours just on a 2 min. trailer. Then after finishing it, I was told that it needed a LOT of work! ☺ I then was completely stressed out and it turned into me getting the glory for this and not God… David had me stop editing for the whole week. I was really upset at first, but it was good for me. I had time to re focus and and realize again why we are making the movie. After that happened, Mandy and I got the rough cut done very fast….I say Mandy and I did, but in reality God did! ☺

(News reporters for DJMC7 news...)

In the last 2 months along with this movie, our family has been going through a lot. Things I wouldn’t want to deal with, but I’m living in reality so I have to. When you have a family of 4 and one leaves, naturally you will be weaker, but I am surprised at how strong God has kept us together…Satan is working hard though to tear down our family. I am continually praying that we all resist the temptation and focus on our goal! It’s not easy though…at least for me.

There is so much going on. I have quite a few situations I am praying about….I am not sure what I’m supposed to do in a year from now or in 6 months, but I’m praying God would direct my steps and give me wisdom to know his will. And to also give David wisdom to know what God’s will is for our lives.

While going through all the trails in the last weeks, I started to write a song. It’s pretty corny, but it somewhat explains what’s been going on. ☺ I think of Mrs. Naylor and Sage whenever I play it. They have been an encouragement to me…

Vs. 1
Nighttime seems to last forever, the storm doesn’t want to pass
Winter lingers for eternity, but Lord will it really last?
You’ve promised to bring the morning, and the calmness of the sea
Spring is here and in full bloom, Be glorified in me!

Chorus-
Be Lord of my Life, a stronghold in the trouble
A rock that I can stand firm with, a beacon to shine
What if your people hide, when things get rough and dark
But I need to be the light they see, be Lord of my Life

Vs. 2-
It’s hard to find contentment when life takes a turn
The joy you had is stripped away and pity creeps on in
We’ve heard the words, “This to shall pass, I’ll never leave you”
Stretching out his arms he said, “I’ve been there too!”

Chorus

Bridge-
Can we rest while life is shaken, and trust He’ll get us through
Take joy in knowing your not alone, Jesus is always with you.

Well, I’m sorry this is such a long post….that’s what happens I guess when you don’t update for 2 months! ☺

Love in Him,
Danielle

(Most of the cast and crew)