Happy Mother's Day

It's May again, that time of year, when flowers are in bloom

The greeting cards are all sold out, but we're left in our gloom.

It's Mother's Day, you hear a lot, "It's time to celebrate her."

But what do you do if she's not here? The memory is just a blur.

My only hope is she can hear the crying of my heart,

And to know how much she means to me...If only we weren't apart.

This is the second mother's day, I haven't had her here.

Remembering back to every other time, it's just another tear.

So Mom, if you can hear me, there's so much I want to say.

I miss you and I love you, but in Heaven, Happy Mother's Day!

I love you!

~Danielle

Child-like Prayers

Well this week has gone by fast but unfortunately I wont be able to go home this weekend. :( My sisters and I and some friends, made some plans to go down to Springfield to help a friend move into her new house. So, it's not that I don't want to go do that, but I always do love going home and seeing everyone....especially Lane! ;) Today is also my last day working here for a while any way with Dave being home. He leaves on Monday for Afghanistan. He will most likely be gone 5 months! So that will be interesting having him gone so much. I'm trying desparately also to plan another trip to Oklahoma also, but I'm just not sure it's going to work out. I really hope so though. It seems though that Mandy and I planned our trips at the same time, so that means it wouldn't work for me! :) She is my backup babysitter! :D

Anyway..... Hanah and I have gotten into the practice of praying every time we get into the vehicle. So, I start out praying first and then Hanah always says, "Danielle, say it's Hanah pray now!" So...of course I say it and then Hanah get's to pray out loud. Every day she is praying for this little boy named Ryan to get better. He had a cold about 3 weeks ago, but she still prays for him each day and then says, "God, help Ryan to get better, OH, he already is better, his Dad gave him medicine" :D So then she continues on praying for various people to get better and for God to keep us safe. So then today she was getting ready to eat her lunch, and usually I pray before our meals, but this time I asked her to pray out loud. :D Well, I think she just thought I said LOUD cause boy was it loud! She started off by saying her usual and then she said, "God please make Grandma Susan better and....and....please....help Danielle's Mom to be better and not sick anymore" :( (Hanah's Grandma Susan, is the one who just passed away) Hanah has prayed like this before, but today it really got to me. Maybe because I dreamed about my Mom last night, I don't know, but as Hanah was praying that, I just found myself thinking back to when I really was praying that. And then even BEFORE Hanah said that, I was writing in my prayer journal and for some completely odd reason, I started to pray for God to heal my Mom again. It was so odd....I haven't done that since she died, not sure what is going on with me today. I wish I could go back to those times though, where I pray for her healing. I miss that. I miss her........

Hope you all have a good Mother's Day

The PRANK- VIDEO!!!

18th Birthday Parties

As most of you know or read on here my sister Mandy's birthday was April 20th, so we had planned on the 26th to have her party. It seems like Mandy is always getting a bday party, but since this WAS her 18th b-day it seemed fitting to have one for her.....AGAIN! ;)

Well, our first big surprise was John and Sage had made arrangements to be able to stay until Sunday that way they would be there for the party!!! We were SO excited that they would be. We love having them so much so it was great! Well then it was time for the party, so people started arriving and saying their typical greeting. Well this one lady looked at me and said, "Happy Birthday Danielle" Well, this lady really doesn't know me TOO well, so I just kindly said, "Oh, actually it's Mandy's" And she commented on at least she remembered my name! :D So anyway more and more people kept arriving which was SO nice. We were hoping for a good turnout! It was great to see everyone. Some people it's been so long since I've seen, so catching up with them was great! :)

Well, then JoAnn and her family showed up, so I ran to go say Hi to her daughter and JoAnn handed me two gifts. She said this one is for Mandy and this one is for you! I was like, WHAT! :D She said that she couldn't just bring Mandy one and not me, so then I told her she was just like my Grandma! She does the same thing, on my birthday Mandy gets gifts and on her's I get some! :) So anyway, I went inside with this huge smile telling John and some other people in the room that JoAnn had brought me a gift and they all sort of looked at me weird, and I'm like...ooookay, guess I shouldn't have said that!

Okay, so now getting to the main point of this story! :D It was time to sing Happy Birthday to Mandy and we were all inside and as we were about to start David announces to everyone that we were going to put a twist on it. So I'm thinking he has some kind of idea of how to sing it. :D But instead he says, "Danielle kind of got jipped out of her 18th birthday since her Mom, Peri, was sick, so this is HER birthday party too!" I could NOT believe it! It turns out everyone knew but me! Mandy had put it on the invitations without me knowing. I'm pretty sure my face turned about beat red, I just could not believe that had done this. So...I celebrated my 18th birthday with Mandy 20 months late! It was such a great party though, I really enjoyed it!

Now everything makes sense to, Why JoAnn had the gift, why Mrs. Milan told me Happy Birthday, why David wouldn't let ME order the b-day cake, why Mandy wouldn't let me send out some invitations. :D It's just all so funny to me!

The day was spent playing volleyball for the most part! It was so much fun. Since I think I was like the only photographer there, we didn't get many pictures at all. I was playing for the most part. In the evening some people were roasting marshmallows and singing karaoke. We also played more volleyball until it got too dark! :D

It really was such a great day!! I had a blast at my 18th birthday party!

THE PRANK

Okay, where do I even begin?? Last night was, well....umm, interesting! :D I was online chatting with Bethany, which has become a somewhat common thing. Well, last night it was kind of late while we were chatting and as we were my cell phone started to ring. The number was a 405 number which I knew was SOMEONE in Oklahoma, but I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer. I then told Bethany how odd it was that someone would be calling me that late, AND someone I didn't know. I let her know I didn't answer and just questioned, like..."Why not?" Hey, actually I'll just post our Chat conversation! :D :D :D

Bethany: :D

10:10 PM (Confidential stuff)

Hello?

me: did you just call me?

someone from a 405 number called

Bethany: No I didn't.

10:11 PM me: (can't say the number sorry) It WAS here

hmmm

okay

I didnt answer :D

Bethany: Weird.

Why didn't you answer?

me: umm....I was writing a txt message to John, he asked me about the pics, and what size to make them

okay to answer YOUR question now

okay

10:12 PM (Confidential)

Bethany: Yeah, it'd show how crazy I am.

me: :D Yup

(Confidential)

Bethany: :D :D

I don't think so!!

10:13 PM me: :D

hey real quick

Bethany: I'm not quite that weird. :D

me: 405 IS your area code, right?

Bethany: Yeah in lots of OK

me: okay

oh wait

they are calling again :D

Bethany: Maybe you should just answer.

I'll wait.

me: oh my

besh

Bethany: It's okay.

me: OH MY

10:14 PM IS THAT YOU

TELL THE TRUTH

Is it your brother?

Bethany: What you talking about?

me: BESH

this is scaring me

Bethany: It wasn't my brother.

me: I have no clue who it is

This guy says

Bethany: What did they say?

me: something about it being a hypoglycemia hotline

and that something like

I dunno

it was so weird

the guy was freaky

Bethany: WEIRD!!

me: -sorry if it's your brother

Bethany: It's not my brother!!

me: how in the WORLD would they get my number

10:15 PM Bethany: That's really weird.

me: yea

Hey

you should call them back

Bethany: What?

me: :(

Bethany: You want ME to call them back??

10:16 PM me: well

someone there

to see who it REALLY is

Bethany: hmmmm...

Was it a real person?

me: yea, I think so

a weird person

Bethany: It wasn't a recording or something?

10:17 PM me: I dont know

I hung up on them

:(

Bethany: Thats rude!!

me: WHAT

Besh

they were like REALLY creeping me out

I mean seriously

Bethany: But...just a person on the phone?

me: BESH

it was you

wasnt it

10:18 PM Bethany: I've been chatting with you...I didn't call.

me: did someone in your family call?

be honest

that is just weird if it was

IT WAS

:o

Bethany: They are all here watching me chat.

me: BETHANY MORRIS

Bethany: What?

me: Please Please PLEASE tell me the truth

did someone call from your house?

10:19 PM or from some weird cell?

Bethany: Nobody called from our house.

So how was the guy freaky?

me: I dont know

maybe cause it's dark in here

10:20 PM :O BESH

Bethany: What?

me: BETHANY YOU ARE HORRIBLE

IT WAS YOU

OR SOMEONE

Bethany: Good grief!

me: in yoru family

I JUST CALLED

Bethany: I'mm horrible?

me: Elijah was on the recorder!

AHHHHhj

Check your message

Bethany: :D :D :D

me: just left you one!

Bethany: SO GOOD!

me: NOOOO

SOOO BAD

That freaked me out SOOO much

10:21 PM Bethany: THE BEST!! :D Ha ha

me: you can not believe it

Bethany: GREAT!!

Okay, so that sort of explains our conversation, BUT You didn't get to see what was going on, on MY end! Soo..... here's what the guy on the phone said.

"Hello, we have heard that you are one of the small percentage of American females that are affected by hypoglycemia. Are you experiencing sleepiness, lack of energy, and dizziness? If so we can help you. If you'd like to continue please say "one", if we have made a mistake and you are not affected by this problem please say "two" and hang up or visit the hypoglycemia website at www.hypoglycemia.com Thank you."
(This is the written proof!) ;)

Okay, so I know that shouldn't have freaked me out so much, but it for sure scared me! So then after finding out it was someone from their house I had to figure out who. After guess almost everyone of her brother's she said it wasn't them, so it left ONE person.....

Ta Da!!!! BETHANY MORRIS was the freaky guy on the other end! :D :D :D IT turns out that she had this planned for awhile and well, with the help of some other people, she recorded it and then Caleb and Daniel dropped the pitch or frequency or something and made her sound gross! :D Quite manly! ;) SO anyway, and THEN while she was chatting to me, the guys went into the studio and called from THEIR cell phone and just played the recording through it! Isn't that BAD!!! I'm not sure who all was involved, but here are some pictures of some that I know of...I dont have everyones pic either, just those that I know helped and that I have pics of!


Okay, well there you have it!!!! That was the prank for the night, I'll admit I was SOO terrified and just well they completely fooled me! :D BUT.....I will get them back, I don't know how yet, but somehow I will!!!!!!!! Watch out Besh!!!! ;)

Okay, well even though she did this to me, I DO still love her a ton! (Just had to clarify that)

Mom

Today has been one of the hardest days with missing my Mom. I am not exactly sure why, but honestly it's just extremely hard. I know these posts get redundant because I always mention missing her, but I don't know what else to do. Writing is like therapy for me. My older sister just last week mentioned reading my blog, this of course shocked me and I got very embarrassed. She asked why I even had a blog if I didn't want people to read it. The truth is, I'm scared for people I REALLY know, to know what's going on inside, but those of you who read and haven't really gotten to know me, are okay. Because I'm more of a made up person in your head.

Anyway, yesterday Sage and John came from Oklahoma to come up for Mandy's party. Well I have talked with Sage before and she said if she comes she would like to see pictures and old videos and such of my Mom and to hear stories. Well of course I thought I'd love it, because I don't want the memory of my Mom just slipping away. So, last night we started looking at some pictures and were talking about her and then this morning my Dad was talking to them about her dying and how much it hurt him and I just couldn't take it. I know my Dad says it hurt him, but it really hurt me to. Sometimes I can't just freely talk about it, it gets very difficult for me at some points. And then to make things a little worse, Mandy and Sage are headed to my Mom's grave right now. I've been once and invited Mandy but she wasn't ready, so a friend too me. Well, that was the last time and I feel like I am ready to go back, she is my Mom and even though she isn't in the grave, it was the last place I left her. :( But I don't have my own vehicle and I can't just go, and I never asked Mandy since she always said she wasn't ready, so today has just been difficult. I didn't know they had this planned to go, and Mandy really wanted to be by herself, well I mean just her and Sage, so I'm trying to understand that, it's hard, but I guess we are all different.

Well, Lane is trying to get me to go ride bikes with him, so I better wipe the tears away and just forget about this. I'm wallowing in my own pity I guess.

I love you Mom and miss you So much! ;(

Time to Think...

Today, I went to Mandy's house to help her watch her kids, but on the way home, Hanah fell asleep so it was just me in the car and well, it's been a long time since I've just driven anywhere by myself, so since this drive was longer than just the usual run to Wal-Mart, I had lots of time to think...which is scary. I don't know how my mind does it, but in those quiet times I have, it's like my Mom immediately pops into my head and I dwell on the fact she is not here anymore, and as the tears run down my face I try hard to "get myself together" but it's hard, SO hard, and the tears just keep falling.

It seems like over the last month I've tried REAL hard to not let myself cry about my Mom not being here, and typically I move the thought out of my head as soon as it comes in, it's too hard to think about her. Today wasn't that way though.

I don't know why now, all of a sudden I am so upset, but I am. And the fact that my Mom isn't coming back here and I'll never see her again on earth, hurts so bad. It doesn't seem right that I would have grandparents in their 70's still alive but my Mom died in her 40's. Or to see women that are 60 or so and still have their Moms. I understand that this thinking is so selfish of me, I know I am wrong, but I'm trying to be honest with you all so you can understand a little better why this is hard.

It's like time is going so fast since she died, and I don't want it to be that way . Mandy has had TWO birthdays without Mom now, and I've already had two jobs, one car accident, one REALLY hard time, where I needed my Mom so bad, but all these things were done, without her here. I think about things like, My Mom will never know the guy I marry (If I get married), she wont know my kids, she'll barely know me. She doesn't know me now, and wont know how I'll be in 10 years. All of this is hard for me. I wish I could have a do over, and I could be the daughter to her that I know how to be now. One that respects her and honors her ALL the time and doesn't question her decisions. One that loves unconditionally and stays with her all the time. But.....I can't be. I guess I had my chance.

I guess the more I dwell on this the more I'll cry, I better quit now. I hope this somehow lets you in a little more to "my world" Also I must say, I know almost everyone is out there hurting over someone or something. I'm not the only girl without a Mom. I know some of you have lost children, grandparents, siblings, pets...so you know somewhat what I'm dealing with. I in no way think I am hurting more than you, just needed to get this out. :(

Revelation 14:13 "And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them."

Psalm 116:15 "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints."

Romans 8:18 "For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us"

Psalm 95

O COME, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms. For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods. In his hand are the deep places of the earth: the strength of the hills is his also. The sea is his, and he made it: and his hands formed the dry land. O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the Lord our maker. For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand. To day if ye will hear his voice, Harden not your heart, as in the provocation, and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness: When your fathers tempted me, proved me, and saw my work. Forty years long was I grieved with this generation, and said, It is a people that do err in their heart, and they have not known my ways: Unto whom I sware in my wrath that they should not enter into my rest.

Happy Birthday Mandy!!!

Yes, this post may seem a little late for those of you who actually know Mandy. Her birthday WAS yesterday, but with the busy schedule we kept, there was no way possible I had time to update my blog! :) Plus, I wanted to have some pictures to post along with it! :)

It really does seem like I was just doing a blog post for her last year. I guess the time does go by quickly, so I'll try not so say the same things as before, although all of it definitely still applies! ;) Click here to see last year's post! ;)
The last year has definitely been a constant trial almost I'd say, but the Lord has been so faithful to bring Mandy through it all and grow her in ways no one could believe. One major thing that Mandy has learned is to be independent. Now that will sound odd to most people, but I'm not talking independent in her life, but in her beliefs. For the first time this year, she believes what she does because SHE studied it, SHE had the desire to learn why she believed the way she did. No longer was her faith, something that came from my Mom and David, it was her own! She stood on it now. :) I really admire Mandy for doing that!

Mandy is adventurous, outgoing, fun loving, HILARIOUS, hard worker, sort of okay driver, and my best friend! I appreciate the things she does for me so much and I can't imagine having to go through life without her. I'm so thankful that God gave me a sister like her! I love you Mandy!


For Mandy's birthday, we had such a full day. My Dad wanted to go to an early lunch at Red Lobster, by 11:30 we were sitting down for lunch there. Dave and Kim, let me borrow their camera for the weekend, so I got a lot of pictures from her day! :) It was quite funny, at Red Lobster I don't think they typically do things for someone's birthday, but we told our waitress anyway, and so, she gathered up some other waiters and waitresses and had them sing to Mandy! :D It was SO off key, but who cares, right?? It was fun!!!

After Red Lobster, Mandy and I went our own way. I had planned to do a photoshoot with Mandy. She had been wanting her pictures done, so I thought it'd be the perfect opportunity. Unfortunately there was no one to come with us, so we couldn't use a reflector at all, and it was majorly sunny yesterday! (that's why all the shadows are on her) :( We had a lot of fun getting the pictures though. We went to Old St. Charles and down to the river, and then to St. Peters City Hall. It was really neat! I think she enjoyed it, and I for sure did!
We still had a lot of time to waste, so we ended up seeing a movie. :) So after the movie it was finally time to meet David, Papa Jim, and Tara at Texas Roadhouse. This restaurant is like the "birthday spot" Most people dread going their on their birthdays cause they do the most embarrassing thing to you, but...Mandy actually picked it! :) She said she didn't get embarrassed anymore, I'm not so sure she believes that anymore though! ;) We had a nice time though with them all, so all in all it was a great day! I know I had fun, and I hope Mandy did! I wanted to make the day special for her, I think we all did!

Love you lots Mandy!

(The picture of Mandy with the trash can is to show how funny she is! While we were taking pictures she says, "Hey, how bout I get my picture with the trash can, that'd be nice!" :D Of course I laughed and then did it!!! And then the other funny face one she was just being silly!!) Oh, the picture of me, Mandy took. :)

Pendragon

I don't usually promote movies on my blog, but they just came out with graphics to put up on our websites or blogs so I thought I should participate. I know a lot of people who are looking forward to seeing this film, I don't know THAT much about it to say that I'm SOOO excited to see it! :) I do have some friends working on it though, so they must think it's pretty neat! Check it out!

Questions?

This morning I was getting ready in the bathroom just doing my hair and putting pins in it and Hanah looked over at my necklace that was laying there of the locket. She comments frequently about it, but not as much as today. She was just staring at it and then she asked,

Hanah- "Is this your Mom?"
Danielle- "Yup! It is"
Hanah- "Did God kill your Mom?"
Danielle- thought awhile and then said "No, He didn't, he just took her home"
Hanah- "Oh..."
Danielle- "My Mom was very sick, and so he decided to take her home to heaven with Him"
Hanah- "My Grandma was sick and God drove her home too"
Danielle- "Your right Hanah, now my Mom and your Grandma are together"

I then started to put on my necklace and I told her that I wear it everyday to remember my Mom and to "keep her close to my heart" sort of. And she replied with saying..."That's where God is, in our hearts!"

I know this short conversation might not mean much to all of you, but Hanah made me think a lot and taught me some too. Not that I ever thought God KILLED my Mom but I have looked at it as more of a punishment. But today, after thinking of Hanah's grandma dying so recently and just reasons why it could happen, I think the reason can be simple. God wanted my Mom with Him, just like he wanted Hanah's grandma. My Mom was sick...very sick, and now she isn't anymore. She is in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ!

Revelation 21:4 "He (God) will wipe out every tear from their eyes. And death will be no more. Neither will morning, nor outcry, nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away."

BIG BELLY!

This might seem like a very odd or even humorous post to many of you, or all of you, but this little was SO special to me, so I had to do a post about her. While I was in Oklahoma I became extremely attached to this puppy, Big Belly. :) Of course, when she was like all the other puppies I paid no special attention to her, but very quickly after I got there, she became so sick. We weren't sure what was going on, at first we just thought she was fat, but as the days went on we noticed she was not fat, but had a very large stomach. My initial thought was she had worms. So, Bethany (Beshu) just gave her some worm medication which would make you think she'd be better, right?? Well, Big Belly didn't get better. She just got larger and larger each day, but the rest of her body got weaker and weaker. It was so sad to see.

I actually ended up calling David and asking him about her and he said he would take her. He told me he wanted a lab puppy and he would take her if I could get her into the vet. Of course all the M's were wondering why in the world we would want the SICK puppy, and my answer was, because she was SO cute, and no one else would want her. I guess I like things that no body likes, and feel sorry for things like that. Oh, one thing you must all know, I am NOT a dog person at all. Not really an animal person very much, but this puppy really got to me. ;(

So, on Saturday after the goat show, I wanted to go up and see Big Belly again, hoping she would be better, because the night before she had actually followed Besh and I outside of the barn and whined for us when we left. It was so sad, so I was hoping she would be feeling better and would be all excited! So, Anna let me take her camera up there so I could get some pictures of her. Well, at first she was acting so cute. She'd pose well and was just so cute. Then after like 10 minutes of pictures, she went back inside the barn and just laid down. It was then that she started looking VERY sick. I was very afraid she would die right there. She was breathing so hard and had her tongue sticking out. Bethany told me she didn't think she would make it and we should go. I lost it then....I thought I might cry if something happened to her, but I never realized it would be so tough for me. I wanted to stay in there with her, but it just got too hard. That's when we went to plant the corn. It was nice though, I had time to just think and cry without anyone seeing. :)

Bethany ended up going back and forth to check on her to see if she had died yet. I really believed she would be dead in like the next 10 minutes. She continued to check though and she was still just laying there. So, after planting we went back up, and this time Caleb and Daniel came up also. I was really thankful that those who were up at the barn with me weren't laughing at me (at least to my face) or just making light of the situation. They seemed very considerate. We all ended up going back inside to search online what it could be. Worm, tumors or something else. We never quite figured it out, but I think it was Caleb that found a site that talked about roundworms. It makes the abdomen very large and there is no "sign" for them when giving them the wormer medication. We tried to rule out tumors so basically we are thinking the roundworms.

Well that night was the night we stayed up so late recording the song, so before going to bed we went back up to check on her. She was still just laying there, new spot this time, and her breathing was much slower..which made me kind of scared. Then when we left the barn that night, she didn't follow and no whining.

Saturday night I didn't sleep like at all. Hope the Morris Family isn't all reading this post, cause I didn't want them to know, but I was very sick that night. That kind of thing has happened to me lots where I'm nervous about something or I don't know, it just happens, so it was kind of normal but I was at lost the whole night what could be making me so nervous or just sick. The only thing I could think was I would be going to their church which meant meeting a lot of new people. :) But, then...I went to check on Big Belly up at the barn. I went by myself this time and as I was walking I got that same feeling again and thought... IF she had died, maybe that's why I was sick, who knows. And when I got up there, there was Big Belly, she was just laying there, in the same spot that I had left her that night before, and she was dead. It was so sad to see her there, not moving. Andrew then came up and saw her there too. He was also very considerate to not make any jokes or say anything to me at that point. I guess somehow Bethany and Anna found out because they came out also. I thought I had all my crying out, but when I went inside it was hard all over again. I ended up calling David and telling him that our puppy had died. He helped me a lot. He had me change my focus. Not to think about her dying but of all the good things, the blessings...like all the time I was able to spend with such a cute puppy and being able to get the pictures. Those were the times that were good. :) So that helped me a lot. I still wish so much that she would have lived. She would have been the cutest dog I think.


Elijah and Andrew buried her I think and then the day after I left Bethany made this memorial stone thing for her. She did a great job and I was happy to see pictures of it!
Okay, so you all might be laughing right now, I guess I can't explain why she was so special to me and why I had such a hard time with her dying. To be honest, I just have a hard time with death I think. Anything or anyone dying is hard for me. Makes me think of that part of my Mom and I don't want to remember her dying. And then it makes me just think that EVERYTHING dies in my life...Everything is here for such a short time, and that's hard for me.