Friday, October 30, 2009

Nothingness...


It's been forever since I've blogged, hasn't it? Since I've moved to IL it's seemed weird to keep a blog though. For various reasons actually....since I have time now and want to write though, I figured I'd update you here! :)

Life has slowed down a lot since canning season. The younger ones have started school again and Jordan is working a lot of hours for a farmer, but as for me I'm kind of just existing. I work part time for a couple near us but other than that I try to help out around home. I don't do that much though, so there is a LOT of room for improvement! I think I have to change my mindset though because right now it's hard for me to get involved with the school work for the kids and to try to be creative to do things with the younger ones. Pray for me! :) I almost feel like right now that I'm "stuck" (that sounds bad, but I don't mean like stuck here or anything..i love it here) what I mean is that I feel like there should be a greater purpose in life for me than what I am doing now. And yes, that is my own fault, cause obviously I am not doing it, but I need guidance. Awhile ago Mom bought me a Bright Lights group study so that I could be preparing to start my own group. I've about read through all the material but at the same time I feel inadequate to even lead one and then my faith must be so small cause it's hard for me to believe God will bring anyone. :( Once again, please be praying!

Oh well, while I'm thinking of it, I thought I'd post a link to a video I watched a few weeks ago. Most of you have probably already seen it, but my family and I thought it was incredible! THE BUTTERFLY CIRCUS . I have to remember God has each of our lives in His hand and it's a journey and he's turning us all into something beautiful! :) He has a plan AND a purpose!

In the last two weeks I was working on another song too. There was a stretch of about 2 days that I was struggling with missing my Mom in Heaven. For some reason writing helps me a lot when I get like that. So I wrote..but this time tried to write it from a perspective of someone hurting, but not just ME hurting. Anyone who has gone through something hard. When writing a few people came to mind. Friends who have had cancer affect their life somehow, a friend I knew who was in a serious car wreck, and those who have had young children taken from them. ALL of them hurt and I'm sure ask similar questions I ask. After finishing the song though someone asked me why I write just "sad" songs. It really offended me at first but I think the thing is we write what we know. And me being who I am, I write when I'm sad and so with that combination, sad songs come about! :) Do you all think there is something wrong with writing about pain and hurting though? I'm not negative in it....well, I'll let you be the judge. Here's the chorus to the song.

"I still hurt, I still cry...All of this time and I still don't know why
It's still real, life just goes on...But God is the healer of my life and those that are gone"

When writing this song I wanted to show that even though you are a Christian and the one who was taken was a Christian, it's still difficult losing them. But we do have an anchor holding us and to comfort us. There is hope!

Well I'm kind of just rambling on and on I guess. I have a few events in the upcoming few months that I'm pretty excited about. My sister is about to have her baby, any day now so I can't wait for that and then my other sister from MO is coming up here for Thanksgiving so that will be really great. I'm looking forward to having her see into my life up here a little bit! :) And then in December a dear friend of mine is getting married back in MO, so my family here will be traveling back for that! I can't wait!!!! So a lot of fun and exciting things planned!

Hope you all have been having a great fall! Oh and check out my other blog for some pictures from a recent hike we had at the Nachusa Grasslands! :)

oh btw...the pic at the top is of me and my friend Anna. We met this summer and she's been a great friend. My family has really been enjoying getting together with theirs! :) Just figured I should explain the random pic I posted! ;)

2 comments:

sage said...

I love your songs. And I think it helps people to know that there are others out there who understand their pain...who have been or are going through hurtful times themselves. Keep writing, iEllie.

And don't worry about feeling "stuck". Pray each day that God will show you His purpose for that day. Seek Him and let Him take care of you. Listen for His leading, and follow where He guides.

Love you!

Anonymous said...

your so short hahahaahahahahahaha rock on aunt shorty