Sunday, November 25, 2007

"I Will Not Doubt"

Wow...that's so easy to say, but to do is a completely different thing. I find myself SO much doubting if things will ever work out for me. If my life will ever be normal again, or something that is desirable by God. And then a friend sent me this poem written by Annie Johnson Flint. This poem is what has been on my heart it seems like...

I will not doubt, though all my ships at sea
Come drifting home with broken masts and sails;
I will believe the Hand that never fails,
From seeming evil works to good for me.
And thought I weep because those sails are tattered,
Still will I cry, while my best hopes lie shattered,
"I trust in Thee."
I will not doubt, though all my prayers return
Unanswered from the still white realm above;
I will believe it is an all-wise Love
That has refused these things for which I yearn.
And though I cannot keep from grieving,
Yet the pure passion of my fixed believing,
Undimmed will burn.
I will not doubt, though sorrows fall like rain,
And troubles swarm like bees about a hive.
I will believe the heights for which I strive
Are only reached by anguish and by pain;
And though I groan and writhe beneath my crosses,
Yet will I see through my severest losses
The greater gain.
I will not doubt. Well anchored is this faith,
Like some staunch ship, my soul braves every gale;
So strong its courage that it will not fail
To face the mighty unknown sea of death.
Oh, may I cry, though body leaves the spirit,
"I do not doubt," so listening worlds may hear it,
With my last breath.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Screening in Oklahoma!

What an exciting weekend I had, as I was in Oklahoma for the screening of our movie "Dancing With Angels" along with 2 other movies, "Joel's Journey" and "Call of Courage" The evening was lots of fun, but for several different reasons full of tears as well! "Dancing With Angels" showed first and then there was a 30 minute intermission afterwards. The Naylor Family provided cookies and hot chocolate, coffee, tea, everything you can imagine was there! :)

Then after the break, "Joel's Journey" and "Call of Courage" showed. It was such a blessing to finally meet the entire Morris Family! In case you dont already know, "Joel's Journey" is a documentary on Mr. and Mrs. Morris' son, Joel. You can check out their blog at (I guess I need to learn to just smile, otherwise, THIS happens)

It was great seeing friends again and meeting many new people! It's always hard though saying goodbye, not ever knowing when the next time will be to see them again! :( Hopefully soon though! :)

After the screening and cleaning up, a few of us went to downtown Oklahoma City to see fireworks! I guess it has been 100 years since OK became a state, so they celebrated by shooting fireworks off! It was So neat and very pretty! We all stood in the back of the pickup truck to watch them...such a great view!

Hope you all have a Blessed Thanksgiving!

Thanks to Caleb Burnett for the pictures! :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Brain Cancer...please pray

Lately, I have been coming across many blogs of men and women, fathers and mothers, who have been diagnosed with brain cancer. Some just like my Mom, and others that have surgery as an option and not exactly a "death sentence" Either way, all of these people need prayers. I can honestly say that I hate cancer. I never thought I would feel so strongly for a disease, but this is one that makes me very upset. Tonight I came across the blog of Layne Daniel. Please check out his blog and pray for him and his family.

Thank you,

Monday, November 12, 2007

Screening - November 16

This Friday evening, "Dancing with Angels," "Joel's Journey," and "The Call of Courage" will we be shown starting at 6:30 pm. Everyone is invited and admission is free.

Get directions here.

In Dancing With Angels unexpected hardship strikes the Logan family, everyone’s strength and faith are put to the test. Will they be able to accept God’s will no matter the cost? Follow the endearing family of ten as they discover a greater love and find a new understanding of the ultimate sacrifice.


Joel’s Journey is a heart touching story that follows the Morris family as their lives are changed by the greatest trial they have ever faced. Through challenges, opposition and rejection at the hospital the Morris’ continue to face each difficulty by standing on the word of God.


The Call of Courage tells the gripping story of two young men fighting in the early battles of the civil war: Eddie Lee, a twelve year old drummer boy, and James McClay an officer in the Union Army. As the days pass they become as close as brothers. During the army’s march through Missouri both Eddie and James are faced with decisions that require all the courage they can muster. Their difficulties intensify until the battle of Wilson’s Creek erupts- throwing the two into the most intense moments of their life.

Feel free to bring family and friends and to pass this invitation along. Admission is free and refreshments will
be provided. For more info contact John Naylor by phone (405) 501-0496 or e-mail


Well, I know I told you I would update, about how my visit went to the graveyard. Well, I didnt do it. I couldnt. After having two rough nights in a row. Mainly just missing my Mom, but also for some other reasons, I just wasnt sure I could handle it when Sunday came around. I know I shouldnt have this fear, but I do. I'm truly afriad to go back, just afraid to how I will react. The Hunt family said that they would take me sometime, and as soon as this coming Sunday. I am not sure I will be ready by then either, but I will see.

Well, today on my way to work I heard this song. I've heard it many times, but never thought about the lyrics or even cared for the song much at all. Today though, I listened very closely to the words, and this just seems to explain sort of, what is going on with me.


You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Friday, November 09, 2007

Hurting again...

Now that the holiday season is coming around, very vivid memories are racing my mind, and I cant seem to get my Mom out of my thoughts. But the thoughts of my Mom are of her when she was sick, very sick! Memories that I dont exactly want to remember anymore.

My Dad and I were discussing what we were going to be doing for Thanksgiving this year and thoughts of my last Thanksgiving meal came to mind. We had plans to be home JUST in time for Thanksgiving and to have it with some friends from church and of course family! :) Well, then my Mom got very sick and taken from MX to San Diego to be treated there. On Thanksgiving day my Mom was still "awake" but just sick. Having a very hard time breathing, low oxygen, fluid on her lungs and other problems on top of that. David, Mandy and I ended up just eating our Thanksgiving dinner at the hospital. I think I had a tray with a turkey sandwhich, mashed potatoes, a roll, and a piece of pumpkin pie...Very different from our traditional thanksgiving meal, but it didnt matter, we still had Mom. :(

Now this Thanksgiving, will be my first official one, without her. Not sure how it will be spent this year, I am hoping to do one with my Dad and family and then maybe some sort of lunch or something with my brother and sisters the day after. I want us still to be together!

Through all of this hurt, I have decided that I want to go back to my Mom's grave site. I havent been since the burial service and have been terrified to go back. I know my Mom isnt there anymore, but it still will be so difficult. But, I'm ready to face it. This month I have been alone a lot! Mandy is in OK and my Dad and family have been going out of town every weekend, so I'm left to myself to think a lot. And I think all of these memories are coming up because of that also. A friend of mine is taking me to the grave site on Sunday afternoon. I have to face this fear, and hopefully let a lot of hurt and heartache go.

I'll update you on Sunday....

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Updates on Life...

As most of you know, the last few weeks for me have been pretty busy. :) I started working at a daycare/preschool part time in Troy. After the second day working, I started getting sick. And I am just now getting over it. 2 weeks ago, my voice started going out, and now today, it is finally ALMOST back to normal. I"m still coughing and I squeak every once in awhile, but it's ALMOST normal! :) ;) Besides getting sick and a few other reasons, I am loving my job. I really love the kids and look forward to seeing them each day. I should rephrase that though. I dont love my job, or love having a job, I love seeing the kids! :)

Then on Wednesday of last week, Mandy and I flew to San Antonio, Texas to visit with a friend of my Mom's and then go to the San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival! :) It was such a great trip. The time we had with Robin was so great! We really enjoy her company and she brought back such good memories of my Mom. It was neat!

The Film Festival was wonderful! At first, meeting everyone was very umm...scary I guess, but after introductions were done, it was great being with everyone and finally putting a face with a name! I was able to see many films and sit through some very good lectures! Geoff Botkin gave a lecture on music and it was so good. I really wish I had heard all the information before doing "Dancing With Angels"

A friend of mine actually won a Jubilee Award at SAICFF also. "Joel's Journey" won Best Biblical Family award. ( ) We were all very excited for him and the Morris Family.

After the weekend was over I had to fly home, but Mandy got to go home with the Naylor family and spend the next 3 weeks with them in Oklahoma!! Lucky girl! ;) I've talked to her each day and she seems to be really enjoying herself. I on the other hand, have been rather lonely. It's weird not having her here....nevermind that though, moving on! :P

Today I was able to buy my airline ticket to OKC on the 16th of November! Praise God because my funds are very limited, and I ended up finding a flight for very cheap, which I was not expecting! I am very excited about going there. There is going to be a screening in OK for "Call of Courage", "Joel's Journey", and "Dancing With Angels" Some friends that I met in San Antonio will be there, so I guess that is what I am most excited about, to see everyone! :)

Oh, I wanted everyone to know..... Lots of people have been asking me lately if I had another idea for a movie, or if I would be entering next year. Well, my answer to that right now is No. Filmmaking is not a buisness to me. I really enjoy it, but just like anything else we just enjoy, we shouldnt just go around and do all the time. I would be pleasing the flesh constantly if I did. And my goal is to not please myself, but to please and glorify God. The only reasons for making "Dancing With Angels" was for my Mom and for God. Not even exactly for God, but so the message could be heard. I believe it was God's will for us to make our film, I'm not sure if He wants us to make another one or not. I'm sure a lot of you are thinking I am being way too skeptical, but I've made a lot of mistakes in my life already, and I'm trying now, to make sure I do what He wants and right now I dont have a peace about just going and making films and becoming a serious filmmaker. (Even though it does sound great) Hope all of this makes some sense.

One thing I do have a peace about though, is a Mexico Missions Trip I will be going on, at the end of this month. I'll post more deatils about this when I know them! :)

(Sorry I have no pics, Mandy has the camera, so I'm unable to post any! :( )

If you didnt know already, "Dancing With Angels" is now for sale!