Friday, November 09, 2007

Hurting again...

Now that the holiday season is coming around, very vivid memories are racing my mind, and I cant seem to get my Mom out of my thoughts. But the thoughts of my Mom are of her when she was sick, very sick! Memories that I dont exactly want to remember anymore.

My Dad and I were discussing what we were going to be doing for Thanksgiving this year and thoughts of my last Thanksgiving meal came to mind. We had plans to be home JUST in time for Thanksgiving and to have it with some friends from church and of course family! :) Well, then my Mom got very sick and taken from MX to San Diego to be treated there. On Thanksgiving day my Mom was still "awake" but just sick. Having a very hard time breathing, low oxygen, fluid on her lungs and other problems on top of that. David, Mandy and I ended up just eating our Thanksgiving dinner at the hospital. I think I had a tray with a turkey sandwhich, mashed potatoes, a roll, and a piece of pumpkin pie...Very different from our traditional thanksgiving meal, but it didnt matter, we still had Mom. :(

Now this Thanksgiving, will be my first official one, without her. Not sure how it will be spent this year, I am hoping to do one with my Dad and family and then maybe some sort of lunch or something with my brother and sisters the day after. I want us still to be together!

Through all of this hurt, I have decided that I want to go back to my Mom's grave site. I havent been since the burial service and have been terrified to go back. I know my Mom isnt there anymore, but it still will be so difficult. But, I'm ready to face it. This month I have been alone a lot! Mandy is in OK and my Dad and family have been going out of town every weekend, so I'm left to myself to think a lot. And I think all of these memories are coming up because of that also. A friend of mine is taking me to the grave site on Sunday afternoon. I have to face this fear, and hopefully let a lot of hurt and heartache go.

I'll update you on Sunday....

1 comment:

Scottie Moser said...

Awwww, sis. *big hug*

The Lord is your strength.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

"He restores my soul. He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake; even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me."

Sometimes this world turns mournful shades of gray.
Sometimes no night can seem darker than the day.
Sometimes it seems that the winter's here to stay.
Sometimes life's sparkle seems dead and gone away.

But we can pass through the night when we set our hope on the joy that comes in the morning.

I'm still praying for you, sis. May you find your comfort in the arms of your Heavenly Father.