Wednesday, January 31, 2007

PAIN

Why does this have to be so hard? Every day this week my mind has drifted to my Mom and I just feel like I can't bear it. It hurts so much...because I love her and miss her. The Lord has been so good to get us through this, but he didn't promise me there would be no pain...I wish, but it's not that way. Before my Mom was sick, we started filming a movie my sister and I wrote. We didn't know the plot would be so real to us. Just today I went back to the website for the movie and read the comments left on our guestbook. That's when I found this from my Mom...


Well, girls, what can I say? I am so pleased that you are choosing to honor God with your time this summer. I think this film truly carries an evangelistic message and with the single purpose of turning people's hearts toward the Lord, I believe that God will honor your commitment to Him in this endeavor. I think your cast is wonderful and it has been a real pleasure to work with them. I thank God daily for the shining example you both are of His love. Keep working until Jesus comes to take us home.

Oh, I can't handle this....We didn't know that one of us would be going home so quickly...she doesn't get to see the finished product of our movie...I'm not sure I'll even be capable of filming and playing in the rest.

I love the memories of my Mom, but right now it hurts. I went to get a recipie and found one my Mom had written. Even the sight of her handwriting makes me miss her.

The Lord will be faithful to get me through this, I will trust in that and God will be my stronghold.

-Danielle

10 comments:

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Melissa Watson said...

Danielle, I had seen your page a few weeks ago. We are praying for you, and hope to see you when you come to KY. I do not truly understand the pain you are going through, but God does. Pass our love on to Mandy. Much love, Melissa

caleb gage said...

Just take it one step at a time. Don't feel that you have to get over it. I'll be praying...

Kaitlin said...

Will be praying for you.

~Kaitlin

amos said...

hey.. it sounds terrible.. and i cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a close loved one. i will be praying for you too.
take care.

amos

Kimberly Alexandra said...

Danielle (and Mandy),
I don't even know you. I happened upon your blog yesterday, kind of through a rabbit hole you might say.

I am a 45 year old mother of five children myself (and two step children). I have suffered the pain of divorce and broken families, so I can empathize with that pain.

But I cannot imagine the pain of losing your mother. This past year my health has not been good, but fortunately it has turned out not to be anything serious, although for a time we were not sure. I experienced so many emotions during that time, many that I'm sure that your mother experienced. I am so grateful for every day that I have with my precious children.

You are both inspiring young ladies and I am honored and humbled to feel that I know you, that God somehow graced my life by leading me to your blog.

Take care, and know that my prayers and God's presence are with you.

Kim Lottman
http://inbeautyandingrace.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

My thoughts are with you...it's so hard sometimes, I know.
Here's a warm hug for you from your "sister" in Ireland.

Celeste
xXx

Elizabeth Ellen Moore said...

I am praying for you, Danielle. God is the ultimate comforter.

Kelli-Ann said...

wow. Your post brings tears as well as my own memories. Danielle, I know that each person is affected differently by different pain, so while I can't say I know how you feel, I can say I know what you have been through. I've been there. My mom died of a cancerous brain tumor three years ago (wow, I forget that it's been that long already). She was diagnosed in July of 2003 and passed away 4 months later in November. She had chosen not to take chemo after seeing the sickness my dad had gone through and his death when I was a baby. Later that month I moved in with my sister (5 years older)and her husband.
I grieved for the people my mom wouldn’t meet (or more, for the people that wouldn’t meet her) like my future husband (I haven’t met him yet either), I grieved for the events she wouldn’t be at - graduation last year, helping me pick out a college, I grieved for the decisions she never knew me to make - the college major I chose that will bring me into a children’s hospital to play with kids who are there long term or terminal…3 years ago I wanted to be a landscaper. I grieve for my new niece and nephew who she never got to meet, and the nephew who will never remember her, grieve at the thought my kids won’t ever know grandma or grandpa.
It hurt. It still does. But more than that there is joy. Joy. I know that my mom is standing in the light of the face of God. And I can’t wait to join her.
Back in my hometown, people knew who I was and knew my “story.” Coming to college though, 4 hours away from home, it seems strange to have to explain why I lived with my sister (and why I cry when people ask why). My Cross Country coach asked how my parents were at the beginning of the season, that hurt. While meant to be harmless, “your mom” jokes are not funny. Even going “home” is to a house that my mom has never even seen.
My Mom told me soon after she was diagnosed to never let anyone feel sorry for me. I suspect your mom would have held you to the same. We have a High Priest in front of us that understands all of our pains. As much as it seems like a curse, this is a blessing. yes, a blessing. I remember telling people that and thinking, I sound like I hate my mom…I certainly don’t. God will not place anything in your path that He will not carry you through. You do not have to be strong, you do not have to make it through the day without tears or completely breaking down. Your God who is in you is strong.
I can not believe how similar our stories are, there is certainly no new pain in the world and time slips away with a blink of an eye.
This incredibly long for a comment, but know that you are in my prayers. also if you’d like to contact me for ANYthing e-mail me at k.ann.hillmann@gmail.com.
your sister in Christ
Kelli

Barbara Tate said...

It hurts me to know that both you girls must pass through this pain. But, you must. I pray that the holy Spirit will comfort you. We all will also try. Kelli's post is beautiful. Kelli is right. Somehow, this is a blessing. You (and we) may not see the reasons fully until we are all in glory together. Trust our Lord. God is good.