Lots of thinking...

For many different reasons today has been a difficult day for me. I feel like that in life I am constantly being stretched. Almost like God is pulling me as far as I can go until I just bust. I know He isn't and that my perception is just wrong, but I feel like I'm there...I'm ready to just burst! I feel like giving up.....not on the Lord but on life. One of the hardest things for me I think is reading others blogs or talking with friends who have "normal" lives. I hear about all these fun things they do, or see pictures from get togethers. Then I see family pictures and hear stories of what they did as a family and I just hurt SO much inside when all this happens. I know what's wrong with me...I'm jealous, and it's not good at all, but I want that SO bad. I want to have good friends near by and a family that all lives together and loves the Lord and has a similar vision. I know this wont happen though, not right now anyway. God has me in this situation for a reason but like I said, I feel like I can't be stretched anymore. :(

I'm encouraged by many verses though, and as I prayed about all this tonight I just decided to open up to Psalms and start reading.

Psalm 18:6 "In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears"

Pslam 16:1-11 "PRESERVE me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust. O my soul, thou hast said unto the Lord, Thou art my Lord: my goodness extendeth not to thee; But to the saints that are in the earth, and to the excellent, in whom is all my delight. Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god: their drink offerings of blood will I not offer, nor take up their names into my lips. The Lord is my portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot. The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a godly heritage. I will bless the Lord, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope. For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption. Thou wilt shew me the path of life; in they presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. "

I have studied this passage quite a bit tonight. And at first it was like, "Okay Lord, what am I supposed to learn from this?" In the first verse it is like David is fleeing to God for protection, having confidence that He will be protected. I feel like this a lot and tonight especially. I know that my only help, safety, comfort, comes from resting in Him. Then it's almost as David commits himself completely to God and rejects any practices of the world as in blood offerings to other gods. He rejoices in the Lord being his inheritance and gives all glory to God. This is what I want. I want to reject what the world is telling me and completely commit myself to Him. What we have here on earth is only temporary but I'm looking forward to eternity. Like David, I want to reject what the world is telling me (getting a loan, dating, moving out, etc.) and seek the Lord and do HIS will! And in this world sorrow is our lot, but in Heaven there is joy, REAL joy. Our pleasures here are temporary, but at His right hand, the pleasures are forevermore. Hallelujah! I'm looking forward to that!

Anyway, that probably made no sense at all. I'm so scattered brained right now I think, but I wanted to write to get some of this out..and hopefully I can fall asleep now too. :) It helps me a lot to write and makes the crying stop! ;)