Monday, December 18, 2006

Scared

Fear is such a horrible thing, but to overcome it is so difficult. How will I ever get over this, will I never not be afraid again? Everything seemed to be going fine, my Mom was getting better, why do things have to change so quickly? I'm really scared.

It's not that my Mom is really bad, she just started having seizures again. They are small, but they are there. I know God is in control and there is nothing I can do about it, but being at home with her, and me being the oldest is scary. I feel that things are my fault or if there was something I could have done to prevent it. I hate seeing my Mom like this. Now, she has a hard time remembering my name, my age, where we are. She thinks I'm 6, and she can't come up with my name. She said she has 7 kids, when we only have 4. I'm really hoping this is all a result from the Dilantin, the seizure medicaiton. It makes her very tired.

I've been so confident through all of this that she will be healed, and I'm still trying to believe that. I can't give up, but what do I do, when I feel so alone and scared? I've been praying so much, but I can't talk to anyone in our family. My sister doesn't want to talk about it, and David thinks I just want to be in control. It's really hard. Please, continue to pray for my Mom. I don't want her to give up, she has to keep going on. Maybe today is just a bad day, I'm praying that's all.

A friend once said, well it's in the bible too!, but Love casts out fear...Is it the devil placing all this doubt? Maybe he just wants me to lose sight of my goal. Maybe the seizures aren't related to her cancer? Even if the cancer is still growing, God can heal her. Right?

7 comments:

Elizabeth Ellen Moore said...

I'm praying!

Elizabeth Ellen Moore said...

I'm praying!

Elizabeth Ellen Moore said...

I'm praying!

Elizabeth Ellen Moore said...

I'm praying!

alyssaknibb said...

I'm praying for you. Everything will be okay.

Cheryl T said...

YES GOD IS BIG ENOUGH. nothing is too big for him. remember... no matter what, He loves you!

I'm praying for you guys
C

Rindy said...

God is big enough. God is in control. But sometimes those sound like cliches when days are tough. I pray that the past couple days have gone better for you. 2Corin.12:9 is a verse I keep reminding myself of when I feel like things are crashing in around me..it really is true.