It's late

....And I'm REALLY missing my Mom. :( This whole day has been kind of ummm bad for me! My fault though, I've just been very short with everyone and rather rude to those I love most. :( Tonight we went to a Relay For Life benefit thing and we were just part of the volleyball tournament...anyway, as I walked around the track and read all the names of local people who have died from cancer, I just couldn't get my Mom off my mind. :( Then on the way home I heard a song that my friend Mandy sang that was written for my Mom, and then after that another song that was at my Mom's funeral. Anyway...it's just been rough. I miss her SOO much! ;( As the wedding is getting closer and closer (3 weeks away) I'm wanting her here even more. With all this wedding planning it's like this HUGE part of my life is missing and it shows in all I do I feel like. How I would have loved to plan this wedding with her help, and have her there at the shower on Sunday, and her there to be escorted down the aisle at the wedding and to witness me marrying the love of my life, Aaron.

All the wishing in the world won't change that though. So I better just pray and let God fill that missing part...I'm trying, really I am, just seems about impossible. Still everytime I miss her like this..it hurts so bad, like someone is stabbing me. Emotional pain is worse than physical I think....

Please just pray for me...and for Aaron and me as we seek to keep the Lord first in everything, but as the wedding draws near, small details seem to get in the way and distract my focus.

Thanks!! Goodnight!

I've got news......

I am engaged to the most WONDERFUL man on earth! I've been keeping things pretty quiet for awhile now, dropping just subtle hints here and there, but now I can tell the world! :) I guess I'm a little late though, seeing as though Mrs. Morris already did a post here and I haven't even blogged yet! :)

On Mother's Day, Aaron got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife! It was perfect! I was SOOO shocked..didn't expect it at all on that day, but it was the perfect day. So special to me! I'll just post a few pictures and then hopefully soon I'll write out the whole story for those of you who don't know everything! :)

Praise God for His many blessings!!!

(During our courtship)

(Opening gifts from my sister Tara after he proposed)

(These were taken right after...)

An Update

Well, I was going through my comment moderation and saw Mrs. B's comment and thought I should do a blog post to answer her question. :) So, Mrs. B, THIS post is for YOU! ;)
Well, currently I am in Missouri and spending time with my sisters! My time with them has been really good. On Tuesday, I had the privildige to go to the Cardinals game with both of them! Can you believe it, it was our first game ever for us three to be at together! Best thing about the game was...THEY WON! GO CARDS!!!! :) We had perfect seats..Mandy got them through her work for her birthday, so we were in box seats and SOO close to the field!Thanks so much Mandy! Only bad part about the game....I was missing a certain someone a LOT...Next time!
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Then yesterday Tara, Jason, Mandy, Joel and I all went to some sand volleyball court to play! At first the bugs were horrible so it wasn't as much fun as it could be, but once it got dark the lights turned on and that attracted the bugs to the light! :) We were the only ones there so that was cool!

During the days I've really just been relaxing I guess. :) Cleaned some at Taras today, but other than that I've really just been praying and reading God's Word, seeking His direction and praying for wisdom. I've been encouraged by a lot of scriptures this week also! I'll share some with you guys! :)

Proverbs 2:2-6 "Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding; For if you cry for discernment, Lift your voice for understanding; If you see her as silver and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will discern the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding."

James 1:5 "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him."

James 3:13-18 "Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

then just two more..... James 1:2-4 "Consider it all JOY, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:12 "BLESSED is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him"

THAT is encouraging!! We all go through things, big or small, God is in control and as hard as it may be we need to take joy in it. I guess when I think of that first verse I relate it to running...lately I've been running and it's hard to have a lot of endurance. You want to start out fast and then it's hard to go very far because you become weary...but with trials in our lives, God is using that to produce endurance in us...to keep us going! It's weird to think like that but the more we are going through, the more our faith is tested, in the long run we will have an endurance like no other and will be able to withstand anything...things we think now that there is NO WAY we could go through that, but one day, with God preparing us... "getting us in shape" we can! :) Hope that makes some sense! :)

Okay...so moving on! :) Tomorrow I plan to spend the day with my Dad, which will be nice. It's been a LONG time since I've really got to just spend the day with him. I'm looking forward to it! Hmm...what else! Well Mrs. B, I know your probably wondering about OTHER news but...for now I'm keeping quiet! ;) Hopefully SOON, I can share something with you all! :) And post LOTS of pictures! I've got plenty, that's for sure! :)

Well I guess that is all for now. Unfortunately I can't edit pictures here or downsize pictures, so it's hard to post too many on here. Sometime I'll have to blog about our big dance we did, it was GREAT!

20 YEARS!

It's hard to believe that my "LITTLE" sister is 20 years old today! :) Time is just flying by, and especially because we don't see eachother every day anymore. As sad as it seems, it took getting away for awhile to really fully appreciate the bond my sister and I had. We were so close! Did just about everything together and she was my best friend! I'm so thankful to have Mandy as my sister!

I hope you have a WONDERFUL birthday Mandy! I miss you a lot and can't wait to see you next month!

As you can see BOTH of my sisters can act QUITE crazy...I'm just glad her face didn't get stuck this way! ;) Mandy, I'm afraid Joel might be having second thoughts if so.... ;) Love you being this wild though! :D Your so much fun!

(Mandy and her boyfriend, Joel, they've been dating over 6 months now, he's great for her!)


I LOVE YOU MANDY!!!!!!!!

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY!

Spring is about Here!

Today was a beautiful day! :) At least to me it was...I guess it's been kind of on the verge of rain but it hasn't so that alone makes it beautiful, right?! :) (Ok, so your seeing I REALLY don't like rain!) ;) I ended up going outside earlier today and playing around with the boys. They were having bike races and so I ran in to get my camera to catch some of the action. :) Some of the older boys were busy cleaning up Jordan's mowers and getting him ready for his mowing season. So I bounced back and forth between everyone. :) Then, Kaleb, Isaac and I played BASEBALL! :) It was fun! Isaac and Kaleb are quite the hitters! I had to run out of the way real quick though after I pitched because they liked to line drive it RIGHT at me! :( Well, just wanted to post some of the pics from our day! :)

Goin' Country! :)

The Boys!

He got some air!! :) Pretty exciting!
NO SNOW!!! :) YAY!

Isaac :)

Life is Good! :)

Well I know it must seem like I've completely forsaken this blog, but I haven't! :) We don't have internet in our home any longer so I don't get to the library THAT often and I especially don't blog everytime I come.

Life has been wonderful and I've been feeling incredibly blessed! :) I had the opportunity to shoot at a friends wedding last weekend in Missouri which was nice and some friends of mine from up here went with me, Danyelle and Andy. Danyelle is also a photographer so she helped me out a lot! :) Thanks!! :) If you'd like to see some wedding shots click HERE! :)

It's getting warmer here and I'm loving that also! I really REALLY enjoyed this winter and loved learning to ski, but now that the snow is gone I'm just ready for summer to get here! I'm not a fan of all the wetness we've been having but hopefully it will dry up quick and warm weather will be here to stay! :)

Here's just a few pics from what I've been up to! ;)

Anna Schuler :)

Aaron :)

We were playing Kemps! Aaron and I won!! :)

Jordan Schuler

I must not have wanted my picture taken! LOL

:)

Gossip

Today I was reading through my Bright Lights book and the subject today was on Gossip. I thought it would be like every other lesson I've read where there are certain things that really stick out and I can apply to my life and other things that I kind of just "pass by" but this subject has kind of hit me hard. I think gossip is something that almost EVERY lady or girl struggles with and it's something we are NOT aware of. We excuse the behavior very easily and make up excuses.

Here are a few verses on gossip:

Romans 1:29-32 "Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgement of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them."

Leviticus 19:6 "Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people"

Psalm 101:5 "Whoso privily slandereth his neighbor, him will I cut off; him that hath a high look and a proud heart will not I suffer."

Proverbers 26:20 "Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no taleberarer, the strife ceaseth."

Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

God knew that us women would be this way also, because in 1 Timothy chapter 5, Paul says, "And withal they learn to be idle, wandering bout from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger woman marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion tot he adversary to speak reproachfully."

Gossip is so hard to control I think because it is so subtle. Negative things come out of our mouth all the time and we don't even think about what we are saying or what effects it may have on the person. In 2 Corinthians 10:5 Paul says, "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." THIS needs to be our goal.

I think we all REALLY need to step back and look at our lives, look at our conversation through email, texting, talking..whatever it may be and be open to what God is saying here through his Word. Are we being uplifting in our conversations? Are we edifying that person in any way by sharing something negative about them with someone else?

My Bright Lights book gave some examples also on very subtle ways of gossip. I thought I'd share some to give you an idea....

"Keep Jill in your prayers. I haven't seen her at church or Bright Lights in several weeks and last time I saw her she was with a friend who had a nose ring"

"Why do you think Debbie treats people so rudely?"

"I don't mean to say anything against Elizabeth, but have you noticed how she has been dressing recently?"

"I'm really concerned about Lucy. I heard that she spends over an hour in the morning doing her hair and make-up. She is really being influenced by those new girls down the street."

The last thing I just wanted to mention is the difference between slander and gossip. Something that I didn't realize. Slander is when we are purposely trying to damage the reptuation of someone else, often by telling lies about them. (This is what I thought gossip entailed too) But really Gossip is sharing information that is true, or at least that we believe to be true. Gossip could be told without wrong motives but simply because we like sharing stories..but this is NOT right. :(

Proverbs 22:1 "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches"

Eccleciastes 7:1 "A good name is better than precious ointment"

Nobody wants to be talked badly about and God has really shown me today the areas that I need to work on and I've experienced the pain of being gossiped about and it is no fun. We all know that, so I'm challenging all of you girls to examine your lives...can others look at us and call us Gossips? Talebearers? Whisperers? Slanderers? Tattlers?

Let's try to stop Gossip all together. Think about each word before we say it and if it doesn't bring glory to God or uplift anyone, let's just not say it. And if someone comes to you to share gossip, quickly but nicely put it to them that you don't want to be involved in the conversation. And pray...pray that we all can live our lives without gossip and slander. That we can grow to be more like Christ each day!

Dear Mom...

A video I put together for today. It explains it all...

Hold My Heart

Recently I heard this song by Tenth Avenue North called "Hold My Heart" It's becoming one of my favorites I think! Thought I'd just share the lyrics with you.....

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long till I see your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say you are
Wont You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cause I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to Me
I'm on my knees, Father will You run to me?

So many questions without answer, your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear you call my name.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

The second verse in this song seems so real to me. Afraid to close my eyes, because soon it could slip away. For awhile after my Mom died, it was even hard for me to truly love someone because I was afraid God would just take them. I can't live with that fear though... He's holding my heart! <3

Nothingness...

It's been forever since I've blogged, hasn't it? Since I've moved to IL it's seemed weird to keep a blog though. For various reasons actually....since I have time now and want to write though, I figured I'd update you here! :)

Life has slowed down a lot since canning season. The younger ones have started school again and Jordan is working a lot of hours for a farmer, but as for me I'm kind of just existing. I work part time for a couple near us but other than that I try to help out around home. I don't do that much though, so there is a LOT of room for improvement! I think I have to change my mindset though because right now it's hard for me to get involved with the school work for the kids and to try to be creative to do things with the younger ones. Pray for me! :) I almost feel like right now that I'm "stuck" (that sounds bad, but I don't mean like stuck here or anything..i love it here) what I mean is that I feel like there should be a greater purpose in life for me than what I am doing now. And yes, that is my own fault, cause obviously I am not doing it, but I need guidance. Awhile ago Mom bought me a Bright Lights group study so that I could be preparing to start my own group. I've about read through all the material but at the same time I feel inadequate to even lead one and then my faith must be so small cause it's hard for me to believe God will bring anyone. :( Once again, please be praying!

Oh well, while I'm thinking of it, I thought I'd post a link to a video I watched a few weeks ago. Most of you have probably already seen it, but my family and I thought it was incredible! THE BUTTERFLY CIRCUS . I have to remember God has each of our lives in His hand and it's a journey and he's turning us all into something beautiful! :) He has a plan AND a purpose!

In the last two weeks I was working on another song too. There was a stretch of about 2 days that I was struggling with missing my Mom in Heaven. For some reason writing helps me a lot when I get like that. So I wrote..but this time tried to write it from a perspective of someone hurting, but not just ME hurting. Anyone who has gone through something hard. When writing a few people came to mind. Friends who have had cancer affect their life somehow, a friend I knew who was in a serious car wreck, and those who have had young children taken from them. ALL of them hurt and I'm sure ask similar questions I ask. After finishing the song though someone asked me why I write just "sad" songs. It really offended me at first but I think the thing is we write what we know. And me being who I am, I write when I'm sad and so with that combination, sad songs come about! :) Do you all think there is something wrong with writing about pain and hurting though? I'm not negative in it....well, I'll let you be the judge. Here's the chorus to the song.

"I still hurt, I still cry...All of this time and I still don't know why
It's still real, life just goes on...But God is the healer of my life and those that are gone"

When writing this song I wanted to show that even though you are a Christian and the one who was taken was a Christian, it's still difficult losing them. But we do have an anchor holding us and to comfort us. There is hope!

Well I'm kind of just rambling on and on I guess. I have a few events in the upcoming few months that I'm pretty excited about. My sister is about to have her baby, any day now so I can't wait for that and then my other sister from MO is coming up here for Thanksgiving so that will be really great. I'm looking forward to having her see into my life up here a little bit! :) And then in December a dear friend of mine is getting married back in MO, so my family here will be traveling back for that! I can't wait!!!! So a lot of fun and exciting things planned!

Hope you all have been having a great fall! Oh and check out my other blog for some pictures from a recent hike we had at the Nachusa Grasslands! :)

oh btw...the pic at the top is of me and my friend Anna. We met this summer and she's been a great friend. My family has really been enjoying getting together with theirs! :) Just figured I should explain the random pic I posted! ;)

Walk Down Memory Lane

Last month I took a week trip down to Missouri to celebrate my birthday with my family there. I had a great time with them and they had a neat idea planned for me for my 21st birthday. Tara, Mandy and Joan sat down ahead of time and tried to think of lots of places that were important to me growing up, or that had funny memories tied to them. As most people know I have about the WORST memory so some of these places took refreshers for me so I could remember where I was at! :D (not too many though) Very sadly though, almost all the places have either been knocked down or have changed companies, so if you see me outside a "Bed, Bath, and Beyond" don't think it's just a great store to me...it didn't USED to be that! ;) I'll explain under each picture though! :) Hope you enjoy this little peak into my past though!

Tara's house! Lot's of my time was spent here before moving up here

This little cabin/shed thing was on the property I lived on from the time I was 15 to when I moved to my Dads. It was an ugly old shed though, and we completely redid it! This holds a lot of memories though! We would all work on this as a family each night, and this was where we saw the first signs of my Mom not talking right and knew something was wrong. We had ideas for a long time after she died calling it "Peri's Playhouse" and having it as a store selling canned things we made and quilts and stuff

Me and my dog, Macy!!!! Greatest dog, left her in MO though!

This is my Dad's house where I lived for about a year a half...that's Lane with me!

The mall! ;) Spent too much time here growing up!

This is the paint store my Dad has been doing business with for EVER! At least as long as I've been alive! :) We used to go up quite often to see everyone and Mandy and I would always look through all the wallpaper books. lol

Mid Rivers Christian Church. This was the church I went to for most of my 'younger' life. Did TONS of plays and things here, guess this is where I first started acting. ;) This was a big time memory for Tara too!

LOL, the library! This is more of a joke place. I did go to the library quite often, but I think it made the top 21 places because I never could find my way there. It was only a mile from my house, but I am directionally challenged and well, it was just hard for me to get to! :)

Gou-Jon Academy of Dance...I spent most of my life here. :) As you can see it's currently nothing right now. My dance teacher passed away and they closed down, but I spent 6 days out of the week here for many MANY years.

Pundman Ford! Not sure why we always had to go to this Ford dealership, but we did. Every vehicle we bought I think came from here, except our little bug! They always gave out free popcorn here! :)

The sign says JJ's but when I was younger it was known as "The Roadhouse" Think I only ate there once but my Mom liked this place and Mandy and Tara seemed to remember it a ton! I don't remember liking it very much though! :)

Dance Techniques West...my first dance studio. I was not even 2 years old starting dance here. It has also closed down, but I have fond memories from that studio! :) I was young when I left though, 8 or so.

Can't explain this picture too much, but I came here quite a bit with my Mom when I was a lot younger. Holds quite a few memories. And right on the other side of this building was a VERY CREEPY cemetery, that always scared Mandy and me!

This was Phar-Mor (could be spelled wrong) I was young when it changed but I have one distinct memory from here...! I was 4 and my brother was pretending to play "beauty shop" with me at home before leaving and I told him not to really cut it and he said okay, but as we are walking into this store, my Mom noticed that a chunk of my hair had been cut out right in the back, my hair had been really long and he cut it quite short! Let's just say she was NOT happy with Kyle, but was able to hide the missing piece of hair! :)

The house I grew up in! :)

Our mailbox! :)

My neighbor's house. Clark and Kathleen Meyers and they had 3 girls that we'd play with all the time! :) Kathleen babysat us sometimes too! :)

THEN......and NOW! This picture was taken at City Hall in St. Peters. We'd go there all the time to get pics taken! Joan and my Mom would get us all dressed up and then just taken us to the park here and get pictures! The first one was taken in the same park when I was around 5 or so.

Chad Theatrical...this was where we bought our dance shoes and leotards and stuff! :)

Can't forget this place! :) Fritz's Frozen Custard! Our favorite place to go for ice cream..and we went OFTEN! :)

I've got a lot more pictures from the park that I'll probably post tomorrow! It'll just be a separate post though for the pictures. :) Hope you enjoyed the walk! ;) Oh, and I didn't take all the pictures, Joan had her camera, so she has more of the 21 places! :)