Un Corazón Pesado

There is so much that I want to write, but can't seem to get any of it down on paper. Usually writing is my only way to really get things out and to not bottle up things forever. The last three days I've started blog posts and write a little and then delete them, thinking I couldn't post it. It's like I'm afraid, afraid for you all to see what's really going on inside of me.

This morning I woke up to a very chaotic house. Fighting and yelling, just things I am not used to hearing and then when finding out what it all resulted to, it hurt a lot. Forgiveness is a hard thing for some people but I believe it is SO dangerous when we wont forgive others. In Matthew it talks about forgiving others so our Father will forgive us our sins. "And forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us...If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:12, 14-15)

There are many verses talking about the Lord forgiving us, but it's like we think we should be different. It's almost like some people think we have a duty to hold a person to their sin for the rest of their life. And that is saddening.

"Though our hearts are filled with sins, you forgive them all" (Psalm 65:3)
"I will cleanse away their sins against me, and I will forgive all their sins of rebellion" (Jeremiah 33:8)

I don't know how to stop this and to show love to both sides, when in reality both sides are at war. One part of me just says, forgive and let it go, it's over...end of story! But then, I have so many people on the other side not understanding. They only look at the past and are scared. By me forgiving and going on with life, it's like it's causing turmoil for those who don't understand. They think I am foolish and naive, among many other things. I just don't know what to do. I want the fighting to stop at home but I'm afraid I would have to give up a very important person in my life for that to happen, and I can't do that.

This post may seem very vague and well, too personal for most of you, but I HAD to get this out. This is only a fraction of the pain going on inside but possibly you can understand why I have "Un Corazón Pesado"...A Hurting Heart.