Monday, June 09, 2008

A lot on my mind...

Well right now I should be working on my grandparent's anniversary DVD. The party is this weekend and well, I'm about done, but still have about an hour of work on it, maybe more...it'll get done in time though, I just can't seem to stay focused tonight. I have SO much on my mind, but nothing "concrete" really...just thoughts. I know, sounds weird, I haven't quite felt like this for awhile. Mostly, I am thinking about love. I have no idea why it all keeps coming into my head. Not like mushy gushy love, just relationships I have here right now. Here are a few examples to try to help explain what's going on.

First of all, earlier today I was working on this DVD and going through all the pictures and constantly seeing pictures of my Uncle Joe. I have never met this man in my entire life. He moved to Arizona right before I was born and hasn't been back EVER to visit. He is my Dad's brother and even my Dad hasn't seen him in 20 years. When I was younger I used to write him letters, he never once wrote back, but I'd just keep writing. I told him one day I'd come and meet him. Well then my letters just stopped, he didn't seem to care about getting them anyway. Well today something snapped in me. I couldn't take it anymore. (Joe decided to NOT come to this anniversary party on Saturday) so I got this really sick stomach ache, not sure why, but I just couldn't work on the DVD anymore. I laid on my bed and wrote Joe a letter. I told him how badly I want him to be here this weekend, not even for all of us kids to meet him, but for his parents. I then told him to value the time he has with his parents, because I know more than some, that life is short and So precious, and he will wish later he would have spent more time....but then, I let him know that I hoped this whole time that he could possibly love us, like my other uncle did, but I realize now, he can't...he doesn't even know us. Can we love someone we don't know anything about?

God made us, formed us, breathed life into us, HE knows us! And He loves us, but can a person who really doesn't even know Him, love God?

Then tonight as I was working more on the DVD, Hanah came in my room and just comes right up to me and says, "Danielle, guess what! I love my Mommy, I love my Daddy, and........I LOVE YOU!" It was So sweet. Hanah does NOT usually say this. I'll tell her I love her and she just says, "No, I love my Mommy!" This kind of shocked me tonight, but also touched my heart! :) Once again, Hanah knows me now and sees the love I have for her. When I first came she wouldn't once say she loved me.

Now for the clincher.... a little bit different kind of love. I don't usually think about marriage, like at all. Well I mean, I think about it, but not like WHO I'll marry, or when, or what colors for bridesmaid's dresses! :D lol....but lately, I've been wondering how will I know? Nothing so far has just seemed right but it's like I'm judging everything off a feeling, and I'm wondering how wrong I am for that. Those of you who are married, if any that read this, will I just know? I'm so scared that I will never "just know" Also...when your taught to guard your heart, and then a guy comes and wants to court or something, how would you have any feelings for them, when your not supposed to in the first place....sorry, I know this probably doesn't make sense, but I'm just SO lost I feel like. Any advice from anyone is greatly appreciated!

Maybe I should get back to my DVD now... ;) Gotta get it done! :)

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I got to your blog from Bethany's and i check it everyday...just some womenly advice (I am 40)and I will give you the advice that I have given mine. You don't have to go and search He will be sent to you and YOU will know by the way he looks at you and the conversations that you have and the values that both of you have will be the same.Marriage is very important.. Remember this could you picture the man you are dating as the father of your children????Make sure you are friends first. Courtship doesnt always last very long when you know he is the one. Make sure he loves GOD ALWAYS , never compromise NOTHING... No one is worth your values and God has a plan for EVERYONE so BE PATIENT.

Danielle said...

Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it. I guess I'm left wondering a lot because,I know that he has to meet these certain standards, but what if he does, but I still don't KNOW if he is the one? :D This is weird writing this on a comment, but...not sure else how to do it. I'm trying to trust that God will just make it SOOO clear when it is the right time. And your right, I need to be patient! Thanks so much!

Anonymous said...

He may be right there in front of you and you aren't just "letting it happen". Is there some one that gives you butterflies? You really will get BUTTERFLIES in your stomach when HE is around.. He may not live in your neighborhood but by your age you have already met him you just dont know it yet.

Danielle said...

Is this the same anonymous as before??? Umm... I'm not really sure I've met him already! :D LOL

Anonymous said...

yess I keep forgetting my name and password. My name is Candy. I knew the Morris's before they were ever the Morris's. I f you ever need any advice my email is candyandeddie@yahoo.com if you dont want to discuss it here. I have 2 girls that I am trying to guide in the right direction. And yes I think you have met him just right now you dont see him in that way

Anonymous said...

Kate here, ( : David's Kate : ) that is!
How to know; now that's a fun question! I know that in part, when our Sovereign Lord brings two people together to become one for His glory, He won't hide His will from you. Countless times before David and I were betrothed I saw in him character traits and life directions that I’d begged, pleaded, and cried out for YHWH to bless me with in a husband. I’d note that David had these qualities, saw that it was possible, and moved on. I praised the Lord and kept praying for whomever I would marry (never assuming it could be David. I was in awe of this Man every time I thought of him and figured there was no way such a great, humble, and God fearing Man could be my husband! I admire him above all other men and am humbled by the honor of being his wife).
One time I gave David my word that I wouldn't do something that my family does to him. Even as I said I wouldn't do it, the thought flashed, "Well, if I were his wife I'd certainly do it! I can't promise that and then have to break my word!" As this thought still flashed the backpedaling word, "Well..." flew out of my mouth before I could stop it! David looked at me surprised, and mentally I immediately reprimanded myself, "Katelyn, what are you thinking!" and I hastily reiterated my promise to not do it to him. I was still shaken though, by how that thought came to my mind. I now see clearly that the Lord sent me many signs (and wonders!) and thoughts to prepare my heart for what lay ahead. But still, I was wholly submitted to God’s will and His PERFECT plan. I often pray, “Let Thy will be wholly fulfilled in me.”
One thing I did that helped me to view David as a brother (a very dear and precious one) was to pray for his future wife. I now laugh at my praying so much for myself! Didn't do any harm, that's for sure! But praying for "her" helped me not put myself in her place and it aided me in viewing David as already chosen. Hallelujah to the Lord for the fact that I am the girl I prayed for and that David is my Beloved!
Anyways, YHWH will show you through His Word (2 Peter 1:3), through His Spirit, and through the guidance of your authorities and wise (Ps. 111:10; Prov. 8:13) people He has brought in to your life. One major warning is this: DON’T FOLLOW YOUR FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS. Feelings and emotions are God given gifts to help us respond, but NOT to guide and govern us. We are not to be lead by them. Just because we get a goofy feeling when we’re around someone does'n mean they’re the one. Examine yourself by these three questions: What am I thinking? What am I believing? What is the Truth? (Ps 91:4, Ps 119:142, John 1:14, John 8:31-32, 14:6, 14:16-17, 16:13, 2Tim 2:15, 2 John 1:2…) Saturate and drown yourself in the Word and you will be encouraged down the right path. One thing to do is study the characteristics in the Bible of godly men. Look for the credentials given for the leaders of Israel; your husband will be the leader of your home so shouldn't he be qualified as a leader!? Examine the qualification of an elder in the Church. Holding to the threshold requirements given in the Word will narrow down the possibilities massively! When our Sovereign Lord brings you and the young man together in His PERFECT time, He will grant His peace in proceeding and will bless the path of obedience.
My family has always used the analogy of a triangle; if you’re serving YHWH and stay focused on Him, and the young man is serving YHWH and staying focused on Him, then our Lord will bring you together perfectly!
These are just random thoughts and things that our Lord has taught me. I hope they are of some use to you! I’m praying for you sister!
“I am resolved, and who will go with me? Come, friends, without delay. Taught by the Bible, led by the Spirit, we’ll walk the Heavenly Way.”

Breckheimer Family said...

Hi!

I've been "lurking" on your blog for a while now, and thought it only fair to comment!

I met the love of my life four years ago and on our first date something just clicked. It's a feeling of everything being right, like he's filled a void I didn't even know was there.

We were married in October and though we have our issues, there's not one thing I regret. I had previously been involved in several relationships, and nothing seemed right. When I met Mark, I just knew! :)

You'll find him!