Friday, September 22, 2006

Not so good morning

Today my mom woke up with a headache. As far as I know this is her first real headache since we have been home. I don't understand though. She is on a very high dosage of steroids and her symptoms aren't going away. I really believed when we got back from Mexico that her cancer would be gone. I believed she was healed. It's so hard to believe that now, because to me it seems like she is getting worse. I can't tell her that though. I have to stay positive. And I'm trying, It's just so hard to be around it all day and not see everything that is wrong.

The hardest thing for my mom right now is to rest. All her life she has been very active and she loves to work. So, with her cancer she is supposed to rest a lot and not do much physical activity. Well, she isn't. She thinks she is resting a lot, but she is actually working a lot. I feel so bad for her. I know she can tell we are all getting frustrated, but I don't want her to think it is with her, because it's not. I'm just sick of this cancer life.

I was talking with a friend and we were saying how odd it is. When nothing is going on in our lives we think our lives are boring. But when something bad like this happens, we just want to go back to our boring ol' lives. We should be greatful for the boring days, at least nothing bad happend. I hope once this is all over, I can look at my days like that.

Today we are picking up David I. from CA. He is coming to MO this weekend to film our family some more and film a fundraiser that will be going on tomorrow for our family. I'm hoping that my mom will feel good this weekend so she can spend some time with David. Last time he saw her she was doing great!

Today I'm busy with baking bread, making sauce, cleaning house, and doing laundry. I'm also trying to learn Spanish, so I'm hoping I will have sometime today to do that. That's alright if I don't though.

Some people think that the reason my mom is doing so much is because my sister and I aren't helping. I wish they could only be here. I try so hard to take over what my mom is doing. But I am not in charge of her. I can't demand that she stops and I can't be rude to her. I suggest all the time that she let me do it and she go down and rest, but it just doesn't work. I wish she would try it, at least for a week and see if the rest makes her feel better. It's worth a try...I think.

Well, I better go. I need to finish more things up. I just had to get all this out! The whole reason I started this blog was to get this out. My journal was getting too full! I never intended for anyone to actually read this. :) Oh, my grandparents are here now. I better go!


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