Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Lots of Thoughts

There really isn’t that much news to talk about, but I need to write. It’s weird, sometimes I get in these strange moods and the only thing to get me out, is usually to write. That’s how I am now. I feel like I am emotionally drained. I don’t get like this too often, but this afternoon for some reason has been like this. Mandy and I have been taking turns to stay with my Mom and on my last turn out, I went down to reception to talk to Miriam. I think she could tell something was wrong, she asked if I was tired. I just told her that I was ready for my life to become normal again. She then had me come into the room with her and she gave me a big hug! It was strange I hadn’t cried at all, until she hugged me. It’s like I could let it all out. She just kept saying, this will help! It did help. ☺

My mom wasn’t so sick today, just tired. It was a beautiful day in Rosarito so I layed out in the sun with her today. She felt good sitting out there, but we had to come in for lunch. She still has no appetite, so for lunch she had a protein shake. Then she started complaining of her side hurting. She’s actually said it before, but was never in real pain. We then remembered that the day we got here, my Mom fell down in our room and hit her side and head and arm. So, we thought she could have possibly bruised her rib. So, I got the doctor and he came up to look at her. After looking and having her take deep breaths, he told me it was a strong possibility she cracked or fractured her rib. Tomorrow, she is getting an x-ray to see for sure. Even if she did fracture it, the only thing for her to do is rest. She is doing a good job of that now! He gave her a natural pain killer though, she is sleeping now, so I’m not sure if it is working.

I’ve been working a lot of the quilt for my Mom today. I figured instead of just sitting in the room while my Mom is sleeping, I should be doing something productive. I finished one of the blocks from down here and started on Dr. Quintana’s today. I learned something: It takes twice as long to take stiches out then to put them in! I started his, and got one line done and then realized I used the wrong color! He wanted green, not blue!

Tomorrow is my Mom’s last day for the chlorophyll and then on Friday will be her day of rest. We are excited to see how the ultrasound part of the treatment goes. My mom’s a little excited because she gets to be in a large bathtub! She really likes taking baths and in the hospital all they have are showers.

I’ve been wondering a lot lately if it is right the way I am feeling. I mean I know it can’t be right, but it’s hard for me to change. I love my Mom so much and I’m so glad I was able to come to Mexico, but it shouldn’t be a punishment for me to stay in the room with her all day. For some reason, it is feeling like that. I prayed that the Lord would give me joy today while serving my Mom, and I did have some this morning, but I think that is because I was pleasing myself at the same time as helping Mom. But I’ve noticed when I am just sitting with my Mom, I get bored and almost resent the time. All I think is, She’s sleeping, how will she know I am even here? I want to change this. I want to enjoy every minute with my Mom. And especially with my Mom, because I don’t know how much longer I will have with her. None of us really do, my situation just seems more obvious. Please pray for me, that I will be content in all situations and have joy in serving my Mom. Also that others around me will not count it a punishment to stay in the room.

Okay that is enough of my rambling!I have a tendency to go and go and go when I’m writing! ☺ I have also been thinking a lot about college. First of all the subject I have always not wanted to talk about. Everyone thought we were crazy because we’ve just said No to it. My dream is to get married and school my kids at home. Why would I need to go to college for that? Well, since my Mom has been sick, we’ve thought lots about learning about the medical field. My sister and I are both very interested in it. So, it was David’s idea to have me start soon with online courses in natural medicine. Yeah, I would like to, but I always question, Is it right? I guess as long as David thinks it is okay, it will be. I don’t know…Someone mentioned today that since I like to cook it would be smart for me to learn more of nutrition and take the medical approach that way. Maybe??? These are just all of my thoughts, none of it may happen. I’d rather just be married----that’s my biggest goal!

Well, it looks like my Mom is getting her x-ray today. So, this has to be it for today. The man will be here any minute and we have to get her downstairs. Please pray for my Mom, that her side stops hurting and that this virus will leave her!

1 comment:

alyssa knibb said...

I am praying for you every single day that God will heal your mom and give you strength to care for her joyfully. I bet it is really hard, and I am sort of at a loss of words since I have never been through anything like what you are experiencing now. About college, don't stress yourself out about it. It is no big deal and it is certainly not necessary for a successful life. In my situation of life now I have decided that a degree is something I should pursue, but that choice is not for everyone. What you are doing now is so much more important than anything else. I will pray that God will show you clearly what he wants you to do regarding college.